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I’m in a daze coming out of the massage room and wandering down the hall. Right before, I reach the glass doors to the poolroom, Moffy rounds a corner in a mud mask and dark-green swim jammer, which is basically competitive swimwear. Tightly-fitted, resembles boxer-briefs but covers the thigh.
“Hey,” Moffy says, empty-handed.
Literally, he just had his son in his arms the last I saw him. “Where’s Ripley?” The little dude has spent all morning with us. He even kept sipping out of his sippy-cup every time Moffy took a drink of lemon water. It’s fucking adorable how much he loves his dads.
“I just handed him to Farrow,” Moffy explains.
And I almost smile picturing how that went down. Considering Moffy is wearing a mud mask, his husband probably busted his balls. I’ve never seen anyone get under Moffy’s skin like Farrow. Growing up, if anyone fucked with Moffy, they usually ended up with a black eye.
But after seeing Maximoff fall for Farrow, it made total sense why they click. He’s needed someone who isn’t afraid to be honest with him. Just like Jane has needed someone who’s as logical and considerate as she is, to be balanced as two people could be.
And me…
What do I need?
Those words linger in the back of my head as I tell Moffy, “I thought maybe his teeth were still hurting.” Earlier, Ripley was chewing on cold celery that Farrow packed him, just in case of teething issues.
“Not that I could tell,” Moffy says but glances back at the exit like maybe he should go double-check.
“Oh hey, I’m sure he’s fine.”
“Yeah.” He nods a ton, eyes on me. “Babies aren’t allowed in the poolroom, so I thought he should spend quality time with his dad.”
“You mean his papa?”
Maximoff groans into a smile, “Jesus, I still can’t believe he’s mixing us up.”
“Or he’s getting you both right.”
“Maybe.” Maximoff cracks a knuckle and blocks the push bar to go to the poolroom. “I have to leave Montana and be back in Philly for Janie—”
“I know,” I interject, thinking he must be feeling guilty. “I don’t see it as you choosing her over me.”
He’s still rigid. “But the day before you free-solo, call me, text me, send me a goddamn rocket flare or something. Because I’m gonna take the first flight out here—”
“Moffy,” I cut in.
He adds fast, “Free-soloing is a big deal, Sulli. I want to be there.”
My lungs flood. The fear in his eyes is palpable. “I’m not going to fucking die.”
“Yeah, I know that.” He nods more, but Moffy is someone who’d try to protect me from the mountain if he could. Being miles and miles away while I’m free-soloing is like riding backseat, not even in the passenger seat, and Moffy loves being behind the wheel.
I want him there.
As much as I’d actually love my dad and mom to watch too.
Because Moffy is another safety net. The illusion of one anyway, and it is easier to breathe and climb knowing he’s present.
“I’ll call,” I tell him.
Maximoff brings me into a hug. “I love you, Sul.”
I hug back. “I love you too, Mof.”
I hate how much this feels like a goodbye.
And the bachelorette party isn’t even over yet. By tomorrow, everyone will be on a flight home. Even my little sister will be gone.
When we push the door, I scan the poolroom. A normal Jacuzzi sits off to the far end where Winona, Vada, Kinney, and Audrey are having an intense discussion.
I eye them in confusion as I wander to the mud bath: an in-ground pit of gray mud as big as the Jacuzzi. Luna is already chin-deep while Jane keeps her arms clean and sips on a goblet of light-colored beer.
While Thatcher is at the brewery three-floors below us, he’s been sending up tasting-sizes of beer he thinks Jane would like.
It makes me wonder what Akara and Banks are up to at the bachelor party. If they’re getting super wasted now that they’re off-duty or if they’re just relaxing. I wish I could be a million places at once. With them and also right here. So I never miss a thing.
“What’s up with the girls?” I ask Luna and Jane as I shed my towel.
Jane peeks over her shoulder. “High school drama, I believe.”
“Glad to be rid of that,” Luna adds.
A familiar pang hits me again. Moments when I realize I didn’t have a normal teenage experience. No walking down high school hallways and trying to beat the bell in the morning. I chose a different path, and I have no regrets, but a part of me will always dislike missing out on something. An adventure untaken. But to succeed in swimming, homeschool was the better option for me. I couldn’t walk both roads.
I plop my feet into the mud.
Moffy sits on the ledge, his ankles submerged, but I lower onto the Jacuzzi seat inside the mud bath near Jane. Gray sludge rises up to my chest as I wiggle my way into the thick, warm goop. Mud cocoons around my body like a comforting hug. Almost like I’m being held together.
