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He watched her again, those rich, brown pools swirling like a vortex. They would drag her under if she let them.
‘No,’ he said quietly. ‘You never did, did you? You always believed in me.’
She bobbed her head in the fraught silence, not trusting herself to answer past the painful lump in her throat.
‘I never wanted to let you down, Matz.’ His harsh voice sliced unexpectedly through the air.
‘Why did you leave?’
He looked simultaneously angry and sad.
‘I had to.’
‘Without a word of explanation? Without saying goodbye?’
‘You think leaving was me letting you down.’ He exhaled heavily, his fist thumping heavily on his lap. ‘But that isn’t what I meant. I let you down before that. Leaving was the solution, not the problem.’
‘There you go, talking in riddles again,’ she said quietly. ‘But you never actually tell me anything.’
‘I can’t tell you,’ he growled, his eyes glittering with fury.
But not at her, she realised. At himself. At his past.
‘Can’t?’ She dropped her voice again, not wanting to attract any attention from out in the corridor. ‘Or won’t?’
He studied her, as if the words were taking their time to permeate his brain. As if he was really evaluating them. And then, for the second time in two days, he swept the proverbial rug out from beneath her.
‘I did something...’ He lifted his hand. ‘Before we started dating. Before we even met. I was fifteen, but I committed a crime.’
‘You did?’ Mattie sat up straighter in her seat.
She knew what his father was like. What his brothers were like. But not Kane. Still, he’d been fifteen, it surely couldn’t have been that serious.
‘It’s something I’m ashamed of, even to this day. But that night—the very night I told you I loved you—what I’d done years before caught up with me. That’s why I left.’
‘You ran away?’ She was confused.
‘No,’ he answered instantly. Vehemently. ‘I did not run away.’
‘But you left?’
‘I faced up to it, Mattie. I took responsibility. In doing so I was offered a way out that I hadn’t been expecting.’
The army, she realised abruptly. Plenty of lads joined the military because it was that or juvie. Or crime. Some ended up bringing their problems with them, but many of them went on to become incredible soldiers. She’d just never considered Kane would be one of them.
He must really have been some soldier to get past that start to where he was now. Yet she could well believe it.
But that meant that he had even more to lose than she did if either of them crossed that line again. All the more reason for them snuff out this chemistry that they shared and concentrate on the task at hand, hammering out the smoothest, most successful operation phase that they could.
‘Then you deserve everything you’ve earned,’ she said sincerely. ‘I’m full of admiration. And I’m even impressed with your CO. I thought Percy Copperhead was a snob who would have been hung up on things like that. I thought he’d sent you here to try to undermine me.’
She probably shouldn’t have admitted it. She wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone else. But, then, she wouldn’t have been in this position with anyone other than Kane. Besides, he’d finally shared a confidence with her, and it felt like they’d turned a corner. Being open with him could surely only help them to get things back on track.
‘Oh, no, the guy’s a first-class oxygen thief.’ Kane laughed abruptly. ‘If it was down to him, I’d be thrown out of the army even now. As would half the lads in the company, even though a raft of them were true heroes in multiple tours over the last ten years. But Copperhead only took over as CO a couple of months ago, it was my old CO who championed his guys.’
Why didn’t that surprise her?
‘So sending you here...?’
