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She found she liked the idea.
/> He slid carefully inside her again and, without warning, Mattie twisted her body, drawing him in deeper. Faster. His low, almost feral grunt was wantonly satisfying.
‘Be careful, Mattie,’ he gritted out. ‘My self-control is rapidly slipping.’
‘I’m counting on it,’ Mattie breathed, hooking her legs around his hips and pulling him in hard before locking them at his back.
A fresh wall of heat and need surged over her, as if she hadn’t already come apart only a short while ago. She clung to him, helpless to stop her fingers from biting into the solid muscles of his arms, his back. But it was Kane, muttering darkly as he lost whatever remaining grip he’d had on his own senses and plunged into her, driving home, that really sent her spinning again. Shaking with the intensity of her hunger.
Then, at last, they were moving together. Riding the same waves of pleasure, faster and higher than ever before. And this time, when Mattie shattered into a thousand bright, tiny splinters, calling Kane’s name as she broke apart, he followed her.
* * *
She was never going to be the same.
They were lying snuggled together in the double sleeping bag they had made by zipping their two bags together, and Mattie snuggled her back tighter into Kane’s chest, wallowing in the feel of his arms wrapped tightly around her. His body was so hot against hers and she wanted to bask in that glow forever.
But they didn’t have forever, did they?
How had she ever thought it would be different? Why had she pretended that she could control this...thing that had always arced between her and Kane? Had she ever really thought, deep down, that one more night would be enough?
As if it would ever be enough for her.
Because the simple truth was that she loved him. She always had and she always would. They just could never be together. There wasn’t room in the army for both of them if they wanted to be together. But the worst of it was that she didn’t even know if Kane felt the same way.
Was this one night—or these two nights, if she including the one back in Castleton—enough for him?
Mattie couldn’t bring herself to ask. Instead, she stared into the dying flames of the fire in front of her, telling herself that wasn’t an ominous sign.
For a moment Mattie faltered, uncertain what to say next. And then she began to speak before her brain even knew what she was saying.
‘I told you that I thought I’d imagined seeing you at my wedding rehearsal, before I called off my engagement.’
‘You did.’ His tone was careful, and she didn’t blame him. ‘You also said you called off your engagement because marrying George Blakeney meant having to give up your army career.’
‘Yes.’ She moved her head slowly, still not turning. Still relishing the feel of his strong, capable body at her back. ‘But also...because at that moment I realised that I wanted to have seen you.’
She felt rather than heard his sharp exhalation.
‘Say again?’
‘I wanted it to be you. I wanted you to have come for me. I think that’s why Hayden called you, because a part of him knew that.’
‘What are you telling me, Mattie? You never loved your fiancé?’
‘No, I did. I did love George,’ she began. ‘In some way. He was good, and kind, and caring. I knew we wouldn’t be unhappy together. But I wasn’t in love with him.’
‘You looked like you loved him,’ he managed tightly. Painfully. ‘That night I watched you on that stage together.’
‘I tried to, but...’ She shook her head. ‘Fourteen years and I’ve never moved on. I tried to, you know that, but I couldn’t. You were always there, haunting my thoughts.’
‘There’s never been anyone else for me either,’ Kane bit out almost harshly so that, for a moment, Mattie wasn’t sure whether he felt that was a good thing or a bad one. ‘But we can’t be together like this. Both still serving.’
Silence swirled around them.
‘I know,’ she acknowledged eventually. ‘But I can’t leave. I almost made that mistake once before, but I know it would have been the wrong choice. I would have ended up resenting George. And I refuse to ever risk resenting you.’
The silence grew heavier. She was almost surprised with Kane broke it.
