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‘I think you do want this, Anouk.’ He reached for his own jeans, pulling them on slowly. Controlled. ‘And I think that’s what you’re most afraid of. That, and the fact that it means trusting another person for the first time in your life.’
‘I trust Saskia,’ she shot back.
‘This is different. Love is different. We both know that.’
‘I can’t offer you that.’ Stumbling to the door, she gripped the handle so tightly that her knuckles went white. ‘I can’t offer you anything. I don’t have the capacity for it.’
/> ‘Did I ask for anything? I told you I love you; I never demanded that you say it back. But, for what it’s worth, you do have the capacity for it and one day you will realise it. Trust me. But until that day comes, I have enough love for both of us.’
He watched her stop, sucking in one deep breath after another and straightening her shoulders.
When she turned to him, he could see the forged steel in her eyes. But, behind the steel, stuffed as far back as she could manage, he could also see a desperate yearning to believe.
‘You don’t know what love is, Sol. Any more than I do. You don’t care. Right now, it’s thrilling because I’ve made you feel something you’ve never felt before. But whatever it is, it isn’t love.’
‘It’s love, Anouk,’ he assured her, calmly and quietly, because he’d never been so sure of anything in his life. ‘I thought I wasn’t capable of it. It turns out I just wasn’t capable of it with anybody but you.’
‘They’re just hollow words,’ she gasped, and even as she tried to argue he knew she was struggling to stay standing. ‘I know that even if you don’t, which is why I’m leaving now. And one day, in the not too distant future, no doubt, you’ll thank me for it.’
‘I want you to do whatever it is that you need to do, Anouk. I won’t thank you for leaving, but neither will I blame you for it. Just as long as you remember you can come back.’
‘You’re so sure of yourself, aren’t you? So arrogant.’ She blinked, apparently not realising she’d raised her voice until she heard it echoing back at her.
‘I’ve never apologised for who I am.’ He kept his voice even. ‘So yes, I’m willing to bet on myself. You’ll come back to me. It’s inevitable.’
‘I’ll never come back,’ she gritted out.
Then she opened the door and lurched out, leaving him where he stood.
Sol had no idea how long he stood there, not moving, barely even daring to breathe. Waiting for Anouk to walk back through the doorway.
But she didn’t. The truth was that he didn’t know if she ever would. Yet he regretted nothing. He loved her.
He had never loved any other woman. He knew he never would.
All he could do was hope that she was as strong as he thought she was. That she would be able to trust herself and admit what he already knew to be true.
Anouk loved him, too.
And he could hope that, one day, he would have the chance to prove to her that he cared. That his actions would tell her he loved her in a way that she could believe, even if she couldn’t accept his words.
Maybe it would take days, perhaps weeks. It could even take years. But he had to believe it would happen.
And when it did, he wouldn’t miss his chance.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘THIS IS ADAM. He’s eight years old and he fell approximately eight feet over the retaining wall at the bottom of his garden and onto grass below. He is normally fit and well with no allergies. He’s not on any meds and he’s up to date with all his jabs. He was playing at the bottom of the garden with his sister when the fence gave way and he fell down to the grass below, landing on his face and knocking out two teeth and there are a couple more loose in his mouth. He suffered a loss of consciousness of approximately one minute. Mum travelled in the helicopter with us, and Dad is on his way by car.’
‘You have the teeth?’
‘In some milk in there.’ The HEMS doctor indicated a plastic fruit box his colleague was carrying.
‘Okay, thank you.’ Anouk bobbed her head. ‘Okay, guys, let’s get started.’
As her colleagues worked to set up the drips and take the bloods for testing, Anouk concentrated on the young boy.
‘Adam? Can you hear me, sweetie? My name is Anouk and I’m the doctor who will be making you better. Can you tell me what happened, at all?’ She turned to her team. ‘Let’s give him two point five mil of morphine, try to make him more comfortable.’
