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And suddenly everything fell into place.
The simple truth roared through Saskia and she wanted to scream, and laugh, and sob—all at the same time.
He loved her. This beautiful, impossible, impenetrable man loved her—perhaps as much as she loved him.
He just didn’t know it yet.
She lifted her hand, tentatively at first, and touched it to his chest, taking heart when he didn’t pull away as she’d feared he would.
‘You were never just my rebound, Malachi,’ she whispered. ‘You were always more than that.’
She heard a beat of silence. The moment when he absorbed what she’d said. But she should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.
‘I don’t believe you, zvyozdochka.’
Her heart kicked. He’d given himself away with just that one term of endearment, and now her spirit was beginning to soar.
She lifted her hand to cup his cheek. ‘It’s true. I might not have realised it before, but I know it now. In my entire life I’ve never done anything like have a one-night stand. I’d only ever been with one man...’
‘Whom you loved,’ he reminded her grimly. ‘You told me as much that first night.’
‘I was wrong,’
‘You want me to believe that you didn’t love him?’ He eyed her sceptically.
‘I did love him. At the time. Or at least I loved what I thought we had. The fact that he cheated on me—and if we’re being honest who knows if Babette was the only one?—means that he was never the man I thought he was. Ergo, I could never have loved him. Not really...’
She faltered, waiting for him to speak. But he didn’t. Still, his gaze never left hers. She had no choice but to forge on.
‘I think what I was in love with was the idea of what we had. But then I met you, and we had that crazy weekend. After that it was all you. You were the one I thought about. You were the one who threw out the questions and what ifs in my head. And then I discovered I was pregnant, and I think that was the excuse I’d been looking for to talk to you again. To see if maybe you’d thought about me, too.’
Silence stretched out between them. All Saskia could hear was ragged breathing. Hers? His? Probably both.
Abruptly Malachi pushed himself off the wall, taking a few steps back. Away from her. She almost reached out to stop him, but knew it would be a mistake.
‘But you didn’t come to talk to me,’ he said. ‘You didn’t approach me at all. In fact, the first chance you had to see me you ran away from me. You recall that, of course?’ He was challenging her. ‘You aren’t trying to rewrite history?’
‘Yes, I recall that. We were in a consultation room. I was at work. You were there for my patient and her family. And... And I had no idea how to tell you that I was pregnant.’
‘That’s pitiful, zvyozdochka.’
‘You may be right.’ She straightened her shoulders. ‘But that doesn’t make it any less true.’
His glower deepened. It couldn’t be a good sign that he wouldn’t even look at her. Instead, his glare was directed at some unseen spot on the wall behind her.
‘I was frightened and I was lost. I wasn’t sure if I could do it on my own. And then you made it so I didn’t have to. When I went in for that emergency scan, when they discovered that our baby was...’ She choked on the words, swallowed, then pushed on. ‘You were there with me every single step. You made sure I knew we were going through it all together. And I love you for that.’
‘You do not love me, zvyozdochka,’ he countered angrily. ‘If I am not mistaken, what you feel—what you have described—is gratitude. They are not the same thing.’
She was losing him. She could see it right in front of her eyes and she was wholly powerless to stop it.
Fresh panic bubbled up inside her. ‘So now you presume to tell me what I feel?’
‘When you’re claiming things which cannot possibly be true, then, yes. I’m not the kind of man you want, Saskia. Haven’t you told me that a thousand times? I do not show my emotions the way you want. I don’t speak the words of love you want to hear. I won’t give you the poetry and the flowers you seem to think are proof of love. You believe in all of that, yet I do not.’
‘And I was wrong!’ she exclaimed. ‘I got caught up in the hurt of being betrayed and I lost sight of what it means to actually love someone. I thought I needed those big, romantic gestures. It turns out I don’t. I just need truth and honesty. I just need you, Malachi.’
A storm was raging within him. She saw it blustering over every one of his features. Watched its unobstructed trail. Knew it left devastation in its wake.
