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Jake hadn’t been furious as she might have expected when she’d told him about the baby, and she’d initially taken that to be a good sign.
Now, she wasn’t so sure. What if it meant that he didn’t care?
Trudging through the corridors, she pushed open the door to the car park and looked for his rental car, her heart nonetheless leaping as she saw him leaning on the bonnet. His impossibly masculine chest was shown off to perfection in a fitted shirt. Had he gone to a hotel room to clean up and change? Because that certainly wasn’t what he’d been wearing this morning.
She edged nearer, her low heels tapping on the ground.
‘Fruitful day?’ he asked, his even tone giving nothing away.
‘I guess,’ she hedged. ‘You?’
‘Very.’ And she thought she saw a quirk of his lips, but she couldn’t be sure.
‘Jake, listen, I should have said something this morning. Just so you know. But I knew I wanted this baby from the second I realised I was pregnant.’
‘That’s good to hear.’ He dipped his head.
It wasn’t the clearest of signals, but she’d take whatever she could.
‘And I know I told you about the rainforest being my life, and the way my mother was, but I don’t know if you understand how it relates. I don’t know if I even understood it before.’
‘But you do now?’
‘I think I do,’ she began. ‘I told you that I was always
...different as a kid, you’ve heard that before. The rainforest fascinated me from before I could even walk or talk. But when my mother walked out on us, I threw myself into it with everything I had. Maybe I thought fighting for a cause, taking on pet projects, gave me a place in life. I wanted to make a difference. I think I felt it made me relevant. Less disposable. Whatever, it became my life.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with that. What you do matters. You make a difference, Flávia.’
‘Yes, and that was who I was. Without it, I feared I was no one. When I met Enrico, I thought my priorities would shift. I’d never give up my career, but I’d embrace being a wife. I’d want a family.’
‘But you didn’t.’ He shrugged. ‘That isn’t who you are. It doesn’t matter, we’ll find a solution.’
‘No, you don’t understand.’ She smiled. The realisation that Jake wanted to work through it with her buoyed her more than it had any right to. ‘I was afraid that I was like her.’
‘Your mother?’
She jerked her head in a semblance of a nod, but she couldn’t bring herself to say it.
‘I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t make myself feel any of the things I thought I should. All the things Enrico wanted me to feel. And I thought it was my fault. For two years, I thought it was my fault. And then I met you.’
Jake moved closer to her. She could feel the heat, the energy, coming off him, pouring into her. The most glorious feeling she’d ever had.
‘Even from that first night—our attempt at a one-night stand—I started to feel things for you that I’d never once felt for Enrico. But you were on the summer programme, you would be leaving, so I told myself that I was being ridiculous.’
‘And do you still think that?’ he demanded, his voice thick, a half-smile curving that all-too-tempting mouth of his.
She forced herself to stay focused.
‘Who knows? I only know that I was ready to give up my life here, in order to follow you to the UK, before I even knew you would have me. Before I knew I was pregnant.’
‘And now that you’re pregnant?’
‘Now I don’t want to do anything to ever risk my baby, or myself. I love my career, but I want to be a mother, too. A good mother. A loving mother. I don’t resent my baby. I can’t want to meet it. Him. Her. I don’t care.’ A giddy laugh escaped her at the mere thought.
‘Well, if it’s confession time, then I guess I should make one to you,’ he surprised her by saying. ‘This morning, you told me that I was only looking out for Brady, but the fact is that I was looking out for myself, too. It suited me to hide behind Brady rather than acknowledge this multitude of...feelings I have for you.’
‘You really do?’ she breathed.
