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Bony fingers clutched his arm.
‘You were fighting for your country. Hell, you nearly made the ultimate sacrifice when that grenade went off.’ He led Ash up to the coffin, resuming his former position next to it, but this time facing Ash. ‘And you never dealt with losing your own mum. I understand why you couldn’t deal with losing Rosie too.’
‘I should never have left it so damn long,’ Ash bit out, his voice cracking.
‘Rosie didn’t know any different. Not by then. She didn’t even know me. She wouldn’t have known you and you’d have put yourself through hell for no good reason.’
‘I let you down.’ The words came out by themselves.
Wilf cast him a ferocious stare. ‘You most certainly did not. You were there when she needed you. You made her prouder than you know, as an army officer but, more importantly, as an honourable man. You have no idea how proud I was when I heard you’d become a colonel.’
Even after everything, Wilf had been following his career?
Guilt flooded through Ash, making him feel sick.
‘I should sit down,’ he managed thickly. ‘People will want to...speak to you.’
He couldn’t say the words.
‘Stand with me?’ the old man asked suddenly. ‘Please?’
It felt like an honour he didn’t deserve.
‘I...shouldn’t.’
A hopeful light danced momentarily in Wilf’s eyes as he peered around the building.
‘You came with someone?’
‘No.’ Ash hated snuffing out that light.
‘Still haven’t met the one? You will.’ Wilf nodded firmly. ‘Rosie always said that one day you’d meet the woman who would complete you and you’d stop fighting the idea of opening your life to someone.’
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It took everything Ash had to shut out images of the other night. He’d spent thirty hours trying to convince himself it was just sex, but deep down he knew he was going to have to face up to the connection they’d forged when he hadn’t been looking. Maybe it had been when they’d worked together so fluidly out in the field, or maybe on that rooftop when he’d told her about the scars, or maybe when she’d opened up to him at the carnival about her past.
At some point he was going to have to admit that it wasn’t just sex at all.
And once he accepted it, perhaps he could finally put it behind him.
‘That’s not for me. My career...isn’t conducive to a relationship.’
Wilf snorted. ‘When you meet your one, everything else will fall into place.’
Before he could answer, more people arrived and made their way to Wilf to express their condolences, and Ash was left alone with his thoughts.
It was no use. He was helpless against the memories of Fliss which assaulted him on multiple levels. From the sweet sound of her laughter and the silky-soft cascade of that blonde hair, to the intoxicating scent of her hot core and the honey taste of her climax on his tongue.
And now he craved more.
But neither he nor Fliss could afford more. They were both dedicated to their Army careers, and the reason they were both so successful was because they didn’t have distractions. He knew so many soldiers who left their ‘family head’ at RAF Lyneham and put on their ‘Army head’ when they went on operations. But, even then, the smallest thing could throw them, whether news from home or just missing a loved one that day.
Avoiding being tied down meant he never had to worry about that, and Fliss was the same. Which was why they could each focus on their respective tasks and know they would always give everything they had.
He needed to forget Fliss. Get back to life as he’d known it a month ago.
‘You’re a good boy,’ Wilf said softly as they were left alone again. ‘You deserve love. But, like my Rosie always said, you just need to let go. You’re the only one standing in the way of your own happiness.’
