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Instead, in that instant, he finally understood what had happened with Janine. It had barely been a couple of years since the car crash and he’d been so desperate to fix the yearning chasm in his soul after his family’s deaths that he’d seen the way this sweet, young girl had loved him and he’d tried to convince himself that if he could love her back then he wouldn’t be damaged any more. He wouldn’t be alone any more. But Janine, as gentle as she was, could never have helped him rebuild his shattered past enough to move on. Janine would always have needed someone whole, untainted by tragedy, someone she could lean on to escape her controlling father. She could never have seen or understood the twisted mess inside him, much less helped him to untangle it. He would always have provided for their baby but in many ways it was a good thing there had never been a child stuck in the middle of them. He would always have been the wrong man for Janine, just as she could never have been the right woman for him. She wasn’t Elle.
‘Thank God you’re here.’ She exhaled heavily.
Abruptly, Fitz registered Janine’s blanched, preoccupied expression and he forgot all his insignificant personal demons.
‘I didn’t know your logistics unit was out here.’
‘We were bringing the generators through the valley to a new hospital being built when a small slide hit multiple vehicles in the middle of our convoy,’ she stated.
‘Everyone okay?’
‘Mostly, a couple of four-by-fours rolled and there are some bumps and bruises but we got lucky. Fortunately none of the gennies were hit.’
‘There should be a couple of my squadrons out there now.’ He frowned as Janine nodded.
‘They were behind us, they’re clearing and securing the area now. They’ve got better equipment for it and we had to keep going as we have a time constraint for getting the generators to the hospital. There’s an MRI coming on our next run.’
It wasn’t just the MRI. Fitz thought of the last ancient back-up generator they’d repaired too many times already. It was imperative they get the new generators to the site because if the back-up failed before the new generators were in place, the hospital would have no power at all.
‘If Major Howes is dealing with the landslide then you’re going to need me to head to the hospital with you,’ he decided quickly.
‘Major Howes assured me he’d be right behind us.’
* * *
‘No.’ Fitz quickly ran through the route in his head. ‘There’s a bridge between here and the hospital, we already recced it but that was before the earthquake. I want to make sure it hasn’t been weakened and won’t collapse under the weight of those gennies.’
Her relief was obvious.
‘Thank you.’
He was off the bed and across the tent before Elle’s voice, tight and high, halted him.
‘Colonel, your arm.’
He turned to see her standing at the back of the tent, supplies in hand, her expression stricken. She’d obviously heard most of the conversation.
Fitz hesitated for a fraction of a second. He wanted to tell her, to explain to her that, as much as he would be doing this anyway to complete a crucial mission, there was also a personal element to it now. Because in helping Janine he felt as though he would finally get closure on his regret from their past. And if he did, then he would finally have a clear conscience. He could at last be free to look to a new, more promising future with Elle. He wanted to tell her all of that, but there was no time. Instead, he invested every bit of meaning he could into his words, hoping she’d understand the message.
‘You need to be checked out. Major Caplin will do it. I’ll get a team together.’
He also needed to get Carl to bring at least one of the troops to the valley to join the rescue effort here.
‘I really do need to check that wound, Colonel,’ Elle asserted firmly, but he waved her away.
The sooner he completed this mission, the sooner he could consider a future with her.
‘Major Caplin, my arm’s fine. I have to leave now. Please check over Major Billings here. Pack up your kit and your team and head out as soon as you’re ready. Don’t wait for me.’
The expression on her face twisted his gut. He’d hurt her. Again. And he couldn’t do a thing about it. He would have to be content with seeing her back at the hospital. Then they could finally have a conversation that he now realised was long overdue. Unless she ran, like he suspected she might. And if she did, then he would have no choice but to respect her decision. He would have to let her go.
* * *
Don’t wait for me.
Elle stared at the heavy-duty canvas tent flap long after Fitz had disappeared and it had dropped heavily back into place. There was no doubt in her mind that Fitz had been trying to tell her something. A message within the words.
She forced herself to turn to the major, dredging up her practised medical smile. She couldn’t shake the feeling the woman was watching her shrewdly. Yet another of Fitz’s admirers, no doubt.
