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“The way you looked at me that day…when you told me you hated me. I knew you meant it. I hated me too because I knew I was the reason you lost the baby.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth parted, but she didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to deny it. I knew she blamed me, like I blamed myself.
“I was gutted when you started crying. I’d never seen you so upset, and I knew I was the reason for it. I caused your pain and it about destroyed me. I made a promise to you the first time I told you I loved you that I would never hurt you. I broke that promise and I honestly couldn’t bear to look you in the face. I have no idea why I picked Oregon. It was far away. No reminders of us. I was going to come back after summer and go to A and M, but the thought of staring into your beautiful eyes and seeing your pain was too much. When I walked on and tried out for the football team and they took me, I was honestly stunned. I took it as a sign that maybe you were better off without me.”
She let a small sob slip from her lips as she shook her head. “How could you think that?” she asked in a whisper. “I loved you, Steed.”
“I was stupid. So fucking stupid and damn it all to hell, Pax.” My forehead dropped to hers. “I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to leave you. I swear to God. Please believe me.”
Paxton grabbed at my T-shirt and dropped her head to my chest to hide her tears.
The song changed, and I couldn’t believe what started playing. Chris Bandi’s ‘Man Enough Now’ came across the speakers and my body trembled.
Paxton tugged on my shirt harder as she cried. I pulled her closer. I’d give anything to take her away from this bar and be alone with her. There were so many things I wanted to tell her. So many things I wanted to do to her beautiful body.
The song ended and the DJ announced a quick break. Paxton and I stood in the middle of the dance floor as everyone walked around us, heading back to their tables.
I didn’t want to let her go. The smell of her perfume, the same one she wore all those years ago, was holding me captive. Not to mention how on fire my body was against hers.
Finally, she pulled her head back and looked at me. I wanted to fall to the floor. I hated seeing her cry. Always had and forever will.
“You left me,” she barely said.
My eyes closed as the pain in my heart became almost unbearable.
She dropped her hold on me and stepped back.
“I was stupid.”
She nodded. “But you moved on.”
I shook my head. “No, Paxton. I didn’t move on.”
A small huff of air left her mouth as she gave me a befuddled expression. “You got married. You had a child.”
Her arms wrapped around her waist. “You had a child,” she repeated as a tear slid down her cheek.
Reaching up, I wiped it away. “I didn’t love my wife, Paxton. She knew I didn’t love her because I told her about you.”
With wide eyes, she jerked away as if she had been burned. She shook her head as she took a few steps back. Paxton spun on her heels and went back to the bar. I watched her walk away like she couldn’t stand to be near me. What in the hell just happened?
Making my way through the crowd, I came up behind her. She was drinking her beer when I put my hands on her waist. Jumping at my touch, she set the beer down and turned to me. The idea that she didn’t want me touching her made me feel ill. We were inches from each other. Paxton’s breath came faster, heavier as her eyes landed on my mouth.
Fuck I wanted to kiss her. My fingers dug into her body, and she sucked in a breath. Even though the bar was getting crowded, it felt as if we were the only two people. The heat between our bodies was growing by the second. The passion we shared for one another was still present. There was no denying it.
I licked my lips and bent closer. Her eyes never left mine. “Paxton,” I whispered.
“Tell me something, Steed,” she said, our lips inches apart.
“Anything.”
Her eyes turned dark. “How is that you didn’t want our baby, yet you wanted the baby you had with a woman you didn’t even love?”
It felt like every ounce of air in the bar had been yanked out as I fought to breathe. “W-what?”
Placing her hands on my chest, she pushed me back. “I think our conversation is done.”
