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I swallowed even though my throat felt like it was coated in cotton. “But she was pregnant?”
Steed’s eyes fell. “Yes. When she told me I felt sick. The only thing I could think was how it was supposed to be you.”
He slowly lifted his eyes to meet mine. “You were the woman I dreamed of marrying and having kids with. Even after I left Texas. Kim was nothing but a mistake.”
Pressing my lips together, I tried not to start crying again.
“Then the guilt hit. Hard. As much as I wanted to tell her it didn’t matter, I was too afraid to make the same mistake. I’d already told her about you. That I could never love her because I’d given my heart to another woman. She insisted the baby would change things. I knew it wouldn’t. I was too afraid to upset her though…if she lost the baby it would be my fault. Again.”
A tear slipped down his cheek and my heart ached at the sight. “Steed, it wasn’t your fault. Our child wasn’t meant to be.”
His head dropped and I sat there stunned as I watched his shoulders rock while he cried. “Every damn day I wake up and I think about it, Paxton. There’s not…there’s not a single day where I don’t think about it. I need you to know that.”
I couldn’t move. I was frozen in place as I watched Steed grieve for our child. Covering my mouth, I cried along with him.
“There was no fucking way I was doing it again. I couldn’t live with myself.”
My heart ached.
He wiped his tears and looked back at me. “So I stayed. And she had the baby and then I felt the guilt all over again because I fell madly in love with this…b-beautiful child. But she wasn’t…she wasn’t your child. I didn’t know how to deal with that. I had planned on telling Kim I wanted a divorce after she had the baby, but I wasn’t sure how the custody would work. When I did finally tell her, she threatened to take Chloe from me and said I’d never be able to find them.”
Steed took a few minutes to get his emotions in check as I sat there, silently crying, as I tried to let everything soak in.
“Kim never loved Chloe. The moment she was born, she pretty much had nothing to do with her. I learned pretty quick she was only after money. I tried like hell to get Chloe away. I begged Kim for a divorce. Each time I would bring it up she would make the threats about taking the baby, and say I’d never see them again. If I left the house without Chloe I would wonder if my daughter would be there when I got home.”
I shook my head as I tried to keep the bile down. How could a mother be so cruel? “Poor Chloe.”
“For years I tried to figure out how in the fuck to get away. One day Dad came up with the whole idea of cutting me out of his will. It took a while to do it. I didn’t want Kim knowing I was on to her. Dad made a fuss about me not coming back to Texas to help him full time with the ranch, we pretended to fight about it and he had fake documents sent to the house. I knew if Kim saw legal documents from Texas delivered to the house she would open them. Dad had it arranged to have them sent while I was at a meeting at the office. The next day she walked into my office at home with a lawyer, took out the legal documents and signed her parental rights away. Her exact words were, “I wasted seven years of my life on you. No more.”
I gasped.
“She didn’t even say goodbye to Chloe. She just left.”
Steed’s hands ran down his face while he let out a gruff laugh. “It’s so fucking confusing. I wish like hell I never walked away from you, but then I wouldn’t have Chloe.” Closing his eyes, he sucked in a breath as he attempted to hold his emotions in.
He failed.
When he looked at me, his eyes spilled over with tears. “I have Chloe, but I don’t have you. I have this amazing little girl who I love, but I don’t have the dream we both wanted. And the fucking vicious cycle of guilt keeps spinning around, and now here I am, and all I want to do is hold you in my arms and tell you how much I love you, Paxton. I’ve never stopped loving you. But I destroyed our dream and I don’t blame you if you hated me for that.”
My entire body started to shake. Everything spun. I slowly stood and walked over to him. I couldn’t help but notice how Steed held his breath as I stopped in front of him.
