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Her fierce blue eyes were deadly serious. No hint of the playful Mo I was used to over the years. This time she was serious and protective, of her heart and our baby.
And I couldn’t really blame her, but I could make her see the truth. “We get along, and we’re sexually compatible. That’s more than most couples have, isn’t it?”
“I hope like hell that’s not true, but you know what, Jasper? Even if that’s all most relationships are built on, I’m not doing this to myself. I’m not going to live with you and share a bed with you and pretend to be some happy family.”
“Why the hell not? I can give you the best of everything.” Most women would jump at this chance, and I was sure Mo would have stabbed a few of those women to get to the front of the line.
“Because,” she sighed. “I’m in love with you, and this pretend life you want to have, it’ll only confuse things. I’ll fall deeper in love, and you’ll remind me that this arrangement isn’t about love. Then I’ll slowly die, day after day, because I’m in too deep, because you’ll be such a good father to our child, and then one day there won’t be anything of me left. Nothing.”
Shit. Even I could acknowledge how depressing that sounded, and I didn’t want to do that to Mo. It sounded like a terrible way to live. “Fuck!”
Mo’s lips curled into a sad smile. “Thank you for offering, Jasper. If I didn’t have this baby to think about, I might have taken what you have to offer. But I have to set a better example for him or her.”
She rubbed her belly, and I felt an ache form behind my chest bone. It was a deep and pervasive ache, the kind that felt like it might grow deeper and burrow in with every passing day. It felt like if I didn’t recognize this uncomfortable feeling now, I might regret it forever. Fight harder, son. Don’t give up so fuckin’ easily. Finally, a piece of Colm’s advice might come in handy.
“You’d be willing to accept my scraps, if not for our baby?”
She nodded. “Which is pretty fucked up because you never would have made the offer if not for the baby.” Her laugh was sad and bitter when it bubbled out of her. “A baby, I should remind you, that you don’t think is yours. Maybe you ought to wait until you get those results.”
A slow smile stretched across my face as the answer came to me. “Come on.” I took her by the wrist so she wouldn’t try to get away and dragged her to the main room where our bags sat unpacked beside the closet.
“I don’t need to see anything, Jasper. Really.” She sounded worried, and I would deal with that, after I found what I was looking for.
“I think you do. It’ll help you understand.” I wished I could just say the fucking words, but when I opened my mouth to tell Mo that I couldn’t live without her, nothing came out but a grunt.
“I understand perfectly. Your upbringing has you believing that you can grow to love me since we made a child together. I’m telling you, here and now, that you don’t need to do this. I get it.”
“You don’t get it, and that’s the fucking problem,” I growled when my hand brushed over the still unopened envelope that I was looking for.
“Got it.” I clutched it in my hand, nearly crumpling it before I could wipe that sad, smug look off Mo’s face.
“Got what?” She stared at the envelope, and her shoulders fell in resignation. “Oh.”
I knew exactly what she was thinking this time; it was written all over her face.
“Open it.”
“I don’t need to open it now. I’ll do it when I’m alone. At home.”
I smiled. “You’ll do it now because the plane isn’t coming back for seventy-two hours, per my orders. And you’ll never be alone at home again because you’re moving in with me.”
She sighed and shook her head. “Stop, Jasper. Please, just…stop.”
“Open the fucking envelope, Mo. Please.” The woman could try the patience of a saint, and I was no fucking saint.
“Fine. I’m sure your offer is more than generous,” she growled and opened her palm to accept it. Mo fanned the envelope and ripped a neat line at the side before turning it upside down until the sheet of paper slid out.
I knew the moment she realized what it was because her dark blue eyes lightened to a stormy morning sky. The fact that she kept reading proved something I think I already knew. Mo was brave, probably braver than me because I was too much of a pussy to open the damn envelope. She tore into and read every word before she looked away.
