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“Seems we’re going in different directions then, huh?” I asked. “I’ve gone back to my corporate roots and you’re ready to go off on a grand adventure.”
The two didn’t exactly mix.
Jack looked at me sadly. “For now, I guess. But nothing is set in stone. Babe, come with me. We could go back out there and see everything on our own terms. Instead of sneaking away for two days here and there, we could go for weeks, hell months at a time! We could go to South America and see the ruins and monkeys and climb a volcano! Then we could go to Africa and make a safari trip, sleep in a tent, and take a million pictures. We could wind up back in Europe or go to Australia. I mean, we could do anything. Wherever the wind takes us!”
His words were meant to inspire. Excite. But all I felt was deflated. Each far-flung destination just took him farther from me.
“And how are we paying for all these glorious trips?” I asked, desperate to get his feet back on the ground. Jack was usually so practical it was almost unnerving to have him so flighty.
Jack’s smile faltered. “I haven’t figured that out yet, but Holly, people do it all the time. Stay in hostiles, do work exchange programs. I could still do the occasional charter pilot stint and save up cash before our next excursion.”
“And what about the dogs? The house? My job?”
Jack frowned into his tumbler. “Forget it.”
“I’m not trying to be the wet blanket here, but Jack, we’re not teenagers or in our early twenties. We’re adults—”
“You think I don’t know that?” He asked, his tone edged with bitterness.
“I think you’re looking for an escape from our problems. Life was great in Germany. We were great in Germany. But that’s not reality. At least not forever. I’d love to travel the world with you and explore and have adventures, but I’m also a realist and I can’t help but see the big picture. We can’t just run off together. Part of the reason I pushed so hard to have a house when we got back was that I wanted stability. The security. This new job, to me, symbolizes the future. We can plan our dream wedding, save up money for our dream house, the place we will raise our children. If you want to start a business, I’m on board with that plan because it keeps us here, grounded.”
“We have the rest of our lives ahead of us to be responsible and tied down.”
I opened and then closed my mouth. Jack wasn’t hearing me.
He turned to face me. “Holly, you said something to me the other day that really cut deep. You said that you didn’t know who I was anymore.” I started to apologize, but he held up a hand and cut me off. “It got me thinking about life and who I am, especially now that I’m not in the military anymore. You have to understand where I’m coming from. I joined the navy right out of college and spent damn near a decade of my life being a pilot. That was who I was. Officer Jack McGuire. Fighter pilot for the US Navy. It just went together. That was my whole world. But something was missing.”
He paused and reached for my hands. “You.”
My heart thumped inside my chest, unsure where he was headed.
“In Germany, we made all these big plans, and at the time, it all sounded great, but now, we’re back and it’s not what I want anymore. And for that, I’m sorry. But I’m not as ready as I thought I was to settle down and turn into the Jones’s. I’d rather be chasing memories and flawless sunsets than dollars and cents so we can buy the next great SUV. I mean, fuck, why does anyone care?”
“I don’t know why everyone else does,” I said, my tone sharp. “I care because I want a life. A real life. A house, a husband, some kids, and the dogs. I want those things with you, Jack. How can you not see that’s all we need? I never thought you’d turn into the kind of guy who views marriage as some kind of prison cell!”
“I don’t! Holly, how could you say that?”
“Because you won’t set the date! Just set the date, Jack. That’s all I want.” My voice broke. “Then I’ll be happy.”
We stared at each other, unblinking, for what felt like forever. Jack reached up and smoothed a fingertip down the side of my face. A tear slipped out and raced him to my chin. He swept the glisten away with his thumb and then moved to cup my face. “Okay. We’ll set the date.”
The words swept over me and I felt nothing.
It was going to take a lot more than some embossed invitations or a tropical honeymoon to get us back on track. Especially when our tracks were headed in completely opposite directions.
