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I nodded slowly. “I don’t have time to sit around and feel sorry for myself. I have to get it together because in about six months, it’s not just going to be about me anymore.”
“Okay.” Carly glanced around the floor where we sat. “But can you see that maybe…just maybe…keeping it all inside isn’t exactly the best strategy?”
I smiled and wiped my nose on my sleeve. My eyes still felt puffy and strange but I’d stopped crying. “You mean this isn’t healthy?” I teased lightly.
Carly grinned. “Probably not…and you’ve been really snarky lately. I thought it was the breakup—which is understandable—but being pregnant gives a whole new meaning to snark. Do you feel okay? Physically?”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “Jack signed the papers to sell his half of the house to me. I haven’t been back here since I left. I know I need to move back and start getting ready”—I dropped a hand to my barely there baby bump— “it’s a lot harder than I expected. We bought this house together. It wasn’t even that long ago. Hunter freaked out, thinking we were going to see Jack and Princess—”
I cringed. I deliberately avoided saying his name. It simply hurt too much.
Hunter trotted into the kitchen and sank down between Carly and me—maximizing his chances for belly rubs. I rested a hand on his side and stroked his soft fur absently.
“Tell you what,” Carly started, scratching Hunter’s ears. “How about you go get cleaned up and I’ll take you out for breakfast. Unless are you sick in the morning?”
I smiled and shook my head. “No, so far the baby’s been treating me all right.”
Carly stared at my stomach, a dreamy look on her face. “I can’t believe you’re pregnant.”
“You ready to be an auntie again?” I asked, thinking of her baby nephew from her sister, Alesha.
Carly smiled. “You mean am I ready to spend a small fortune on impossibly adorable baby clothes and spend hours soaking up that baby smell? Hell yeah!”
I laughed. “Good, because I have a feeling I’m going to need all the extra hands I can get.” My smile faded as the weight of the words sunk in.
Carly leaned over and grabbed my hand. “You know Jack will be here for you, Holls.”
I knew she was right. Ever since the two pink lines showed up on the pregnancy test, I knew Jack would be a good father and that he would go to the ends of the earth for his future child.
It was part of the reason I hadn’t picked up the phone.
“Holly, he will,” Carly said, misinterpreting my silence.
I looked up and nodded. “I know. But—”
Carly cocked her head, waiting.
The doubts and fears untwisted as I tried to work out how to explain the mess of thoughts to her. “I think part of me isn’t calling him because I’m afraid he’ll rush back to Holiday Cove, go into full blown knight in shining armor, and snap back to the man I fell in love with,” I said in a whisper of a confession.
Carly frowned. “And that would be a bad thing?”
I dropped my eyes to the scattered pieces of magazine paper. “I want him to come back for me. If he comes back because I tell him about the baby, there’s a part of me that will always wonder if he resents me for tying him down. I mean, he wasn’t ready to get married. Clearly. How could he be ready for this? I mean, a baby is on a whole other level.”
“Maybe it’s the wakeup call he needs?”
“Maybe.” I shrugged. “Breakfast sounds good. Is there such a thing as pancake therapy?”
Carly smiled but I could see the hint of concern lingering in her eyes. She pushed up from the ground and reached for my hands. “All right, mama, let’s get you up.”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “I’m not at the beached whale phase yet,” I said, even as I accepted her help.
“No, by then we’ll have Hunter trained to pull you around on a boogie board.” Carly winked as Hunter jumped up and did a circle at the sound of his name.
I patted him on the head. “Hold down the fort, boy. I’ll bring you back a treat for a job well done.”
Hunter panted and trotted to his dog bed by the couch and lay down.
Carly smiled after him. “See, you’ve got this mama thing down pat.”
Bananas. Orange juice. Turkey bacon. Cheese puffs and pickles?
I frowned at the random, last-minute additions to my grocery list. Apparently, it was official. I’d crossed over into the disgusting food craving stage of pregnancy. I didn’t even like pickles. I sighed and tossed a jar into the cart anyway. Maybe I’d grab a pint of ice cream on the way to check out. When in Rome…
“Holly?”
I turned at the sound of my name and saw Gemma, basket in hand, heading toward me. I mustered a smile. Truthfully, I’d been avoiding her. We were good friends, but it was hard for me to see her and not feel jealous. And then jealousy faded into self-loathing for getting upset in the first place. It was a slippery slope. Even as she adjusted the basket in her hands, I caught sight of her glittering engagement ring and felt my stomach lurch.
