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She scoffed. “That’s ridiculous!”
I shrugged one of my shoulders and polished off the last few bites of the cinnamon roll. “Maybe so, but I’m not going to argue with him about it. Besides, I’m not sure Noah and I would get along.”
Holly’s eyes flashed. “Because of me?”
“I saw he stopped in to see you at the hospital.”
Holly sighed. “Jack, really?”
“Hey, you asked.”
“He’s my boss, Jack. He brought me flowers and told me to take six weeks off, paid, and not to worry about anything. He’s a good guy.”
I raised a hand and pressed my eyes closed. “Holly, I don’t want to start this again. If you want to be with Noah—” I paused, the words so vile it almost hurt to spit them out. “If that’s what you want to do, you’re free to do so. I’m here to be your friend, to help you out, and help raise our child.”
Holly’s eyes blazed. “Yes, you’ve made that very clear, Jack. I don’t even know why you bother coming by. Newsflash, the baby isn’t going to be here for another six months. I’ll give you a phone call when it happens.” She turned and walked from the kitchen, unable to go full blast like she would have in the past.
I pursued her, following her into the living room. “Why are you pissed at me? Seriously, what did I fuck up this time?”
She lowered herself onto the couch and a wince flashed over her face. When she was seated and leaned back, her fiery eyes returned, fixed on me. “You didn’t fuck anything up but you’re sending some pretty big mixed messages here, Jack. I don’t want to play this game.”
“Mixed messages? I tell you that I care about you and that I want you in my life, even if all I can have is you as a friend and the mother of my child. I come over here to try and help out and take care of you. That all seems pretty clear to me!”
Holly’s eyes dropped to the ottoman, all the fire leaving her. “Then what was that kiss for?”
I reached for the back of my neck and took a few paces away. “I—I don’t know. Okay? I guess I fucked that up too. Is that what you want me to say? This isn’t easy for me, Holly. Six months ago, we were moving into this house, you were reading bridal magazines every waking minute, and we were talking about things like school districts for our future kids, where we’d vacation, what kind of food to serve at the wedding reception! I mean, shit! I’ve barely wrapped my mind around the fact that we’re not…you and me…anymore. I got lost, caught up in the past, and kissed you. It was a—”
“Don’t!”
I snapped back, surprised by the sheer force of her voice.
“Don’t say it was a mistake, Jack. Please, whatever you do, don’t say that.” Her voice cracked and tears filled her eyes.
My heart twisted in my chest so sharply that I reached for the back of the couch to steady myself. “It wasn’t a mistake,” I said softly. “I wanted you, Holly. Hell, I still want you. Do you know how fucking hard it is to come over here every day and see you and not reach out and touch you? Kiss you? Hold you in my arms? I don’t want to be your friend, Holly. It hurts way too damn much. Why do you think I moved to New York after we broke up? I couldn’t be here, in this town, seeing you at the store or gas station, driving by this house, knowing you were inside.”
Holly nodded, her tears freely splashing down her cheeks. Now, I really felt like shit. Doesn’t she know how crazy I am about her?
“I do know, Jack. That’s what I’ve been living with. This town is haunted by all of these memories. The place on the beach where we met, this house, even Carly’s shop. All of it is tainted by the way things used to be.” She drew in a shaky breath. “The reminder that it can’t be that way again.”
I rounded the couch and took the seat beside her. “What do you want, Holly? You want me to leave? Stay? What?”
She lifted her tear-filled eyes to mine and for a long moment just stared, her eyes on mine, as if wondering whether or not she could trust me with the truth. Or maybe wondering if I could handle it. Which I wasn’t sure I could. If she told me to get the hell out of town and never darken her door again… No. I knew I couldn’t make that promise.
“I want you, Jack,” she finally whispered. “I want things to go back to the way they were before the world went to shit. I want to wear your goddamn ring on my finger and call you mine and go to sleep in your arms.” She shifted her hands to cover her stomach and glanced down at the small bump. “I want to be by your side for the rest of my life. I hate not being with you.”
