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I reached up, my hands covering his, and held on. “I’ll be fine. I will be. It’s—it’s just… I haven’t been motivated to take care of myself. I’ve been depressed, because, you know. You. Leaving you shattered me, and I don’t know, I think a part of me just didn’t care what came next. But what came next were the nightmares.”
He stepped close, his body touching mine. “Nightmares? You’re having nightmares?”
I nodded, my neck stiffening up, and I could feel the fear moving through me, just talking about them. My body was conditioned by now. “It’s always the same. The hangar. That guy coming in, but it’s not me he kills. It’s my family. My parents. My sister. You.”
“Baby.”
A wave of emotion crashed through me, but this time, it was good.
Healing.
Hope.
I could feel it creeping in, one inch at a time.
“It’s been a really long few months.” I choked out a sob, and Jonah crushed me to him.
He wrapped his arms around me, tucking his head down. “I’m so sorry. I would’ve come after the first one, and that’s on me—”
I pulled back, tipping my head up. “Shut up.”
“What?” He laughed, frowning at the same time.
“Shut up. You blamed yourself for Melissa. You convinced me to walk away from you. You stayed away, and you were doing that for me. But enough. Stop blaming yourself for not being perfect. I could’ve reached out, too, Jonah. I knew you would love me. I know you do love me. I stayed away because…” I didn’t know anymore. “I’ll tell my family who you are, and it’s their choice. If they don’t want to risk it, I’ll stay away. But I can’t stay away from you, not anymore. I almost died this last time. I fell—”
“I know what happened.” His voice was low. “I know the timeline. You need to go to counseling to stop the nightmares.”
“I know.” I motioned to my bag. “I was packing to go to a treatment facility. This last accident woke me up, in a way.” I tightened my hold on him. “But I don’t want to do this without you. I love you. It never went away. It’s never gone away. You’re my one. I want to be with my one.”
His mouth was on mine after that.
He groaned, picking me up. “I love you. You and me. We’ll figure it out.”
The love, the sensations, the pleasure, all of it swept through me.
It pushed away the pain, the fear, the longing.
I was in his arms.
I would always be in his arms.
Chapter Thirty-Six
JONAH
Boston
They had a big house. Big and bricked.
Carson had offered to come with me. So had Tanner. Kai, too. But I didn’t want any of them, not for this. I didn’t know why. I loved them, every single one of them, but this was the other side of me. It felt right to be here by myself, to do this alone. ’Cause that’s how I felt at times—alone. But I wasn’t. I knew it logically. It was hard to explain, but here I was.
Even Ezekiel was parked in a vehicle behind me. There were other guards around me.
But I was here.
I just wanted to see him, see her.
I didn’t plan on talking to either of them. What I’d said to Kai was the truth. It was dangerous to know me, to be loved by me. This was the right thing to do for them. It was my way of protecting them, but they were part of me nonetheless.
A car moved past mine, slowing, and turned in to their driveway. Two guys got out, carrying food. They were laughing. The front door opened before they got there, and my sister appeared.
I leaned forward to get a better look.
She was beautiful. Dark eyes. Yellow dress. Ebony skin. Her hair was pulled up today, in some sort of updo. She smiled at the guys. Both hugged her before stepping in. She paused, looking outside, scanning the street, before following them in.
I knew they were having a party today. They were celebrating that my dad’s wife had gotten a promotion at work. She was the elementary school’s new principal. Kai’s PI had called with the information, telling me if I wanted to see my dad, he could make it happen. He’d made contact with a guy going and could get me an invite to go with him.
I passed. Didn’t feel right meeting them that way.
Seeing them this way was creepy, but at least I could see them. It was on my terms.
I watched for a while as they welcomed more guests, and my dad hadn’t come to the door, not once. It had been my sister or her mom welcoming their guests every time.
My phone buzzed.
Ezekiel: That’s everyone on the guest list.
Me: He never came to the door.
Ezekiel: He might not be there.
