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I shook my head. “I knew you blamed me.”
“If you would have listened to me in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this situation, and we would have the family we both want.”
“Christian,” Dr. Webb interrupted. “We’ve talked about this. You’re placing unnecessary blame on Kinley. She couldn’t have known what would happen that night.”
“You’re right. I’m just…” He took a deep breath before his eyes connected with mine. “I’m sorry, Kinley. I didn’t mean it.”
“Here’s where we differ yet again, Christian. I know you meant what you just said, and if I could go back and change things, don’t you think I would? I’d give anything to take back that night, but I can’t keep beating myself up about it. I’ve done it for over ten years, and I have to let it go. I have to let you go too. It’s the only thing I can do to make things right.”
“That doesn’t make anything right,” he expressed. “It only makes it worse. All I want is for us to be together, but I’m exhausted fighting for us when you don’t give a shit.”
“That’s not fair!”
“Nothing about this is fair! Especially this divorce that only you want. I still see us. We’re still here, Kinley. I don’t know how you can’t see it.”
“We can’t stay together because sometimes we see a glimpse of what and who we used to be. That’s not a marriage, Christian.”
All the wind from my sails deflated when he added, “A marriage is up and down, it’s good and bad, it’s for better or for worse, that’s a fucking marriage.”
—Christian—
I didn’t know what else I could do, what else I could say, I was at my wit’s end. There was no getting through to her. She was hell bent on ending us, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why we couldn’t work through this.
There once was a time we thought we could get through anything life threw at us.
We made it through our sad stories…
But could we make it through our last?
Chapter 4
Kinley
Then
A month had passed since I’d last spoke to Christian, and I’d be lying if I said he didn’t consume my thoughts. Every time I licked or touched my lips, I remembered the feel of his against mine. The sensation of his tongue lingered in my mouth, especially when I was asleep. I started to dream about him, recalling his last words to me before I walked away that night.
“What other first of yours can I have next?”
By the sincere expression on his face, I knew he was being serious, and it scared me more than anything. I never cared to have a boyfriend, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about what might happen between us if he continued to pursue me.
But he didn’t.
I hadn’t seen or heard from him since the first time we talked in the woods and he became my first kiss. It was summer vacation, though, and he didn’t know where I lived or the places I hung out at. We ran in different crowds. Or maybe that was just me making excuses for him.
If he liked me, he’d find a way to reach out, right?
Ugh! This was so confusing. I didn’t want to be that girl. The one who waited around for the guy to call, the one who cried when he didn’t, the one who surrounded her life and thoughts solely about him. I hated that girl. She was weak, and I was not frail. It was why I never wanted to be in a relationship to begin with. It was safer that way.
My heart was already shattered by the woman who was supposed to love me the most.
Then why couldn’t I stop thinking about him?
“I think there’s a spot open over there,” I told Jax, bringing my thoughts back to the present and not lost in my own mind over a boy I hadn’t heard from.
Pointing to the only available parking spot on the grass for the party we were attending, I smiled as he pulled into the space. The empty land by James’ house turned into our private parking lot, and it looked like a small car dealership with all the cars parked and ready to go have a great time. It was Saturday night, and James was having one of his infamous parties at his parents’ house. They were out of town, and anytime they weren’t around he used it to his advantage and threw a huge party.
His dad did something with international real estate, and at one point he was having an affair with his assistant which meant his mom now traveled with him. These were the downfalls of living in a small town—
everyone knew everyone else’s business, and gossip spread like wildfire. I tried not to pay attention to it, but it was hard to ignore when everyone’s dirty laundry was aired out in the open for all of us to see.
