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“Just ask me, Christian.”
“Alright. Well, what about me? You want to push me away too?”
“Yes … no… I don’t know. I don’t want to get hurt, and I know you definitely break hearts, but at the same time, I like being around you. These last two months have been fun, and I like you. A lot.”
He smiled wide. “I like you a lot too.”
Hearing him say those six words meant everything to me. I could feel my guard coming down more and more with him, and for someone who had suffered so much abuse as I had, it was a hard pill to swallow.
“How about I promise you I won’t hurt you. If you promise me that you and Jax won’t have sleepovers anymore. Deal?”
“You’ve heard about that?”
“Amongst other things.”
“I can assure you that most are made-up lies. We’ve never kissed, we’ve never even held hands. Sure, we’ve had sleepovers, but he stays on his side of the bed, and I do the same. We don’t cuddle, if that’s what you’re imagining. It’s not like that between us. I don’t feel for Jax what I feel for you when we’re together. The love I have for him is just brotherly.”
My heart dropped when he jerked back, and the expression on his face quickly turned somber, then he bit out…
“You love him?”
Chapter 8
Christian
I eyed her skeptically.
“You know there’s a difference between loving someone and being in love with them, right? I love Jax, but I’m not in love with him, Christian.”
It’d been three months since Kinley turned my world upside down and two months since we’d started hanging out.
I held her hand.
I kissed her lips.
I listened to everything that came out of her mouth as if she was telling me the world’s biggest secrets.
I hadn’t tried to cop a feel or get in her panties. I didn’t so much as try to get her to make out with me. Being around her was enough. It was all I wanted. To be with someone, to really be with them on a level other than physical, was something I’d never experienced before. Something I never had, and I didn’t want it.
The bullshit.
The emotions.
The ups and downs.
Yet there I was, officially pussy-whipped with absolutely no pussy and sporting the worst case of blue balls known to fucking man. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d fucked my fist as much as I had in the last three months. Especially in the last two.
After our first talk in the woods, I’d hung out with a couple of girls, trying to forget about Kinley to no avail. I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and anytime a girl attempted to kiss me, I instantly turned my face. Feeling like I was cheating on Kinley which didn’t make any sense.
At that point, we’d had one conversation, but it felt like the deepest connection I’d ever had with anyone in all my life. I didn’t understand any of it. The need to be around this girl was throwing me off-kilter. I thought about her constantly—the next time I would see her, talk to her, hold her…
The list was endless.
Our connection was easy, we didn’t have to work at it. It wasn’t a burden or a struggle to be with her like it sometimes was with other chicks. I used to get bored the minute the sex stopped, moving on to the next.
Not with Kinley, though. I wanted more. Our dynamic flowed seamlessly, our conversations, our chemistry, our friendship. Another thing that was new to me was being friends with a girl I was hanging out with. I never cared to get to know them. They were a means to an end.
It was simple.
Now I was in a dynamic I couldn’t get enough of. One of the things I adored the most about her was the subtle looks she would give me when she didn’t think I was looking.
She came into my life like a breath of fresh air, and I breathed her in like a man who was suddenly on death row. Unable to fight against her pull. Every time I was with her I was lost in us. I never expected to fall for her. I wasn’t even looking for anyone, but there she was, this girl with such a force, such a drive. It was so fucking powerful that I never stood a chance.
Every time I told myself that today was going to be the time when I’d make my move, and we’d get past this PG shit, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. She wasn’t just another chick I could nail.
It wasn’t about getting laid.
At least not with her.
Julian thought it was hilarious, laughing his ass off at the guy I’d become in the span of three months. Saying if I was like this now, he couldn’t imagine what I’d turn into the longer we were together.
