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Wanting him closer like he wasn’t already close enough, I ached to mold us into one person. Kissing him back as if my life depended on it. I moaned into his mouth, losing myself to his skilled tongue and lips. It had been forever since we were like this.
The passion.
The emotions.
I couldn’t remember the last time we consumed one another quite like this.
“Fuck…” he groaned into my mouth. “Do you have any idea how much I miss this? How much I miss you?”
With a strong force taking over me, I suddenly shoved him away. Not wanting to hear another sad story. Our lives were already filled with them.
All the mistakes and regrets.
All the hurt and devastation.
All the I’m sorry’s and I love you’s.
The ups and downs.
They were endless.
Timeless.
Destroying us both in the process.
He reached for me, and as soon as I felt his arms wrap around my waist, I pushed him as hard as I could. His back hit the slider with a hard thud, and I didn’t falter.
I went for him.
“Why can’t you just let me go?!” I hit him, all over his face and body. Anywhere I could.
He blocked each advance, only triggering me to hit him harder and with more determination. Beating out every ounce of frustration and love I still had for him.
All the years of pent-up anger.
All the times we went to bed angry.
All the things we’d said to hurt each other, when in reality … it killed us to say them.
“Kinley, calm the fuck down!” he ordered, trying to grip onto my wrists.
“No!” I yelled, striking and shoving him the closer he tried to come toward me. “Can’t you see this is killing me! This is my fault we’re in this place, Christian! I’m the one who can’t give you babies!” Hot tears shot out of my eyes. “I’m fucking broken! I’ve always been broken, and I’m so tired of you trying to put me back together! It’s not fair to you! I’ve never been right for you!”
Thinking back on the night that drastically changed the course of our lives, I cried out, “I should have listened to you! Why didn’t I just listen to you?! What’s wrong with me?!”
In my defeated state, I wasn’t strong enough to hold him back any longer. In an instant, he spun me around, gripped onto my wrists, and held them above my head, pinning me against the glass slider.
“Do you have any idea how many nights I’ve stayed awake thinking about that very question?! Why couldn’t you have just listened to me?! Month after month of negative tests! There it was! That same fucking question! I have spent years thinking about that night! I could have lost you too!” he roared, his body shaking. “Can’t you see? I don’t fucking care! I’m blind for you! I’m mad for you! I fucking ache for you! Why can’t you see that all I want is you, Kinley?! Why is that so fucking hard for you to realize?”
Those profound words were all it took for me to lose my shit.
I slammed my mouth onto his, biting down on his bottom lip until I tasted blood.
He immediately jerked back, holding my wrists with one hand while the other yanked my hair by the nook of my neck. I panted, frantically trying to gather my bearings from his tight, possessive hold. Both our bodies trembled with undeniable fire.
Every part of our resolve was hammering all around us.
Breaking.
Shutting down.
Making it hard to see, let alone stand.
I didn’t know if it was our truths and lies, or the fact that I was in his arms that had me feeling fucking alive.
Thriving.
Living.
With my husband’s mouth against mine.
Weakly, I thrashed around, ignoring the pain in my head and the throbbing in my heart. The damage I’d caused for both of us as we were gasping for air.
Frustrated.
Overwhelmed.
Frenzied with each other.
Closing my eyes, I tried to steady my breathing, my thoughts, my fucking heart. It was broken. Torn into a million pieces.
He loosened his grip, slowly brushing his lips against mine and causing me to open my eyes. I saw all our memories fly through his gaze, one right after the other.
The first time we talked.
The first time he kissed me.
Touched me.
Made me his.
I was born to be his…
When his heated, tormented stare became too much for me to take, I turned my face, but he gripped onto my chin and forced me to look at him again.
“You don’t get to hide from me, Mrs. Troy.”
I grimaced, those two words killing me slowly.
We stared at one another for what felt like hours, both of us lost in our own darkness.
In our own demons.
In our past.
In the things we couldn’t change, but frantically wanted to, and in the things we could change but didn’t know how.
Our future.
Our regrets.
Our love.
