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—Kinley—
The floodgates opened, and I let out everything I held in so deeply. Tears began to stream down my face, falling to the ground with my heart in his hand. As if he couldn’t hold back any longer, he began to slowly caress up and down my arm. Grazing my skin with only the tips of his fingers like he was testing himself.
It was so fucking ironic because last night he touched me everywhere for hours on end.
With his hands.
His tongue.
His lips.
Yet now, it was almost like I was a piece of glass in the palm of his hand he didn’t want to break.
When he slid his grasp toward my shoulder and then down my back, I didn’t say one word, terrified he would stop if I did.
“I love you, Kinley Troy,” he rasped in a devastated tone I’d never forget.
I sucked in a breath, feeling his mouth on the back of my shoulder, as his lips casually glided up to the side of my neck. Softly, he let his lips linger on my skin for a few seconds before he pulled away just enough to trail soft kisses up toward my face.
I couldn’t take it any longer.
His words were killing me, but his touch was destroying me.
I abruptly turned around, faintly pushing him away. His eyes told me he wanted to say so much, though nothing came out.
“We can’t do this anymore, Christian. Last night shouldn’t have happened. It wasn’t our beginning. It was our ending.”
“You’re so full of shit, and you know it.”
I shook my head. “I’m not. Nothing has changed. I can’t give you children.”
“We can adopt, or we can get a surrogate. We can still be a family.”
“I can’t do that to you. Please … try to understand. I’m just trying to do the right thing. I can’t have you resenting me more than you already do.”
“That’s not true.”
“You know it is. I’ve spent the last ten years thinking about that night and what I did to us.”
“Kinley, I asked you to marry me that night too.”
“I know.” I nodded. “But we were young and thought our love would prevail.”
“It still can. All you have to do is walk out of this building with me and never look back.”
I immediately saw it, his eyes glazed over, and his pupils dilated. He leaned over again, caging me in with his arms to rest his forehead on mine.
“Where’s my girl, huh?” He pulled the hair away from my face, staring intently into my eyes.
That did it to me every time.
There was so much emotion behind his gaze. I knew they mirrored mine.
At this point, there was no need for words—we’d said them all.
He grabbed my face in between his hands, caressing my cheeks with his thumbs. Pulling me close to his body, he held me in his arms, and we stayed like that for I didn’t know how long.
I was the first to break the silence. “Our lawyers are inside. They’re waiting for us. We’ve already spent thousands of dollars and months to get here, Christian.”
“It doesn’t mean shit to me, Kinley.” With trembling lips, he added, “All I want is you. I love you. I fucking love you,” against my lips.
“I know.” I held onto his wrists. “I love you too. But sometimes, love just isn’t enough.”
He pulled me into his arms again, wrapping his body around my small frame. It still made me feel so safe, protected, like nothing could ever happen to me if I was in his secure embrace. Moments later, we cried in each other’s arms, mourning everything we ever had together.
Our past.
Our present.
Our love.
For the family I couldn’t give him.
And the future we’d never have.
I was gasping, hyperventilating, trying to breathe, trying to move, trying to find the will to walk into that building and sign those papers.
When all of a sudden, he pecked my lips, kissing me for the last time. There was something absolutely devastating about the way his mouth claimed mine.
It was slow.
Torturous.
Each caress of his tongue, push and pull of his lips, was killing me in the process.
The sun started to fall behind the horizon of the hills. Darkness settled upon us. My mouth began quivering, physically feeling his agony and the damage I was causing him. Forever making me fucking hate myself for what we were about to do.
But I had to be strong.
For him…
He deserved that much.
My face frowned as he pecked my lips one last time. There was something about knowing this was the last time I’d feel his mouth, his touch, his breath, his skin, his scent.
Him.
That truly felt like the end of my life and everything I’d ever wanted.
“I’m so sorry, Christian. I’m so fucking sorry.”
He nodded, stepping back while we looked at one another.
In the blink of an eye, his eyes turned cold, detached, violent. “You want this, then you lead the fucking way.”
