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Prologue
Ava
The moment my bestie walks through my bedroom door, I fall apart. The tears are flowing, and I can’t even speak. Ellie doesn’t say a word either. She just comes toward me, her arms outstretched as I collapse into her embrace. We sit on the edge of my bed, an open suitcase next to me as she holds me close and lets me cry all over her shoulder.
Ugh. Men. They’re the absolute worst.
“Does he know you’re here?” she asks, once my crying has subsided some.
I pull out of her arms, so I can look at her, furiously shaking my head. “No. And please don’t tell him.”
“I won’t,” she says without hesitation, though I’m putting her in a tough spot. She’s with Jackson and he’s one of my boyfriend’s…
Wait. Excuse me. My ex-boyfriend’s best friends.
Either Ellie will not tell Jackson I’m home or she’ll swear him to secrecy. I won’t even bother dragging Hayden or Gracie into this. Gracie lives with Eli—she’ll have a hard time keeping this a secret. Not because she can’t keep secrets but because she sees Eli pretty much every single day.
Of course, I have no idea what Eli is doing right now. We blocked each other on everything, which is so petty and stupid, but guess what? Sometimes, we can act petty and stupid.
“I still can’t believe he gave you an ultimatum,” Ellie says. I glance up to see her watching me, her eyes blazing with anger. “It’s like he doesn’t even care about what an opportunity this is for you.”
“All he cares about is himself,” I say, wiping any remaining tears from my face. “He’s an asshole.”
He cares more about how I make him feel. He cares that he doesn’t get to see me as much and that fucks with his head and his game—direct quote. After a while, carrying the responsibility of Eli’s mental state becomes downright unbearable.
Even going to another college hundreds of miles away couldn’t help me escape that. I love my boyfriend—ex-boyfriend. I do. But I’m starting to realize I was too wrapped up in his emotional state. To the point that I sometimes forgot my own.
Maybe it’s good we broke up. That last screaming match on the phone showed me that he’s nothing but a selfish prick.
My eyes sting with tears and that’s it. The floodgates reopen.
Who knew a human could cry this much?
Ellie rubs my back and murmurs sounds of comfort while I just sit there like the pitiful girl I am and cry. I’m not even excited about going to Spain anymore. I’m just…sad.
So, so sad.
“Maybe I shouldn’t go,” I say with a little hiccup. “I could stay home for the summer and once he’s calmed down, I could go talk to Eli—”
“No,” Ellie interrupts, her voice sharp. “Uh uh. Don’t you dare give up on your dreams for him, not when he’s treated you so poorly. He doesn’t deserve you giving him another chance.”
Dang, she sounds so…hostile. “I’m starting to wonder if you hate him.”
“I don’t hate Eli,” she says with a sigh. “But I hate what he’s doing to you right now. He’s crapped all over your good news and now you’re not even looking forward to going to Europe, thanks to him. It sucks, Ava. You shouldn’t give him that much control.”
My best friend has really changed, in a positive way, since she’s been with Jackson. She stands up for herself more and isn’t afraid to voice her opinion.
“He’s never been that controlling…” My voice drifts when I see the look on Ellie’s face.
“Please. He’s always controlled the narrative of your relationship. You’re a strong person, Ava, but he’s always held influence over you. Maybe it’s time you stood on your own for a little while,” Ellie says.
I don’t hold back on how that statement makes me feel.
“But that’s scary,” I whisper. I’ve been with Eli since I was sixteen. That’s almost four years. He’s my first love. My only love. Just thinking about him right now makes my heart swell with overwhelming emotion.
But thinking about him also makes me sad. And mad.
Actually, thinking about Eli and the things he said to me when we fought makes me fucking furious.
Ellie grabs my hands, clutching them in her own. “I know it’s scary. But you’re strong. I’ve always admired that about you. You do what you want, and damn the consequences. You stand up for what you believe in, and right now, you need to believe in yourself.”
“Oh, I believe in myself,” I say, determination steeling my voice. I can’t be scared. I’m about to embark on the adventure of a lifetime. Going to a foreign country alone for the summer. Learning new things. Meeting new people.
“Good.” Ellie smiles. “You’re going to have the time of your life.”
“I hope so,” I murmur, my thoughts returning—as always—to Eli. “Damn it, why couldn’t he support me? I always support him. No matter what he does, I’m right there by his side. And he rarely asks my opinion on things. He just does them without considering me or how I might feel.”
