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“Want to get the fuck out of here?” Caleb asks me. “I rode with Gracie, but she said she wanted to get home after the game.”
“Ava dropped me off,” I admit. “She still has my car.”
“Perfect. She could leave with Gracie. Unless she’s staying the night with you?” He raises his brows.
She shouldn’t. I should send her pretty ass back to her parents’ house, and we can reconnect later.
Like at the end of the football season?
I banish the thought.
But it sticks with me still as my friends talk and I mostly listen. As we exit the locker room and head for the place where we always end up meeting up with the girls, I remember how I used to depart before they’d get to the girls, when I was broken up with Ava, and seeing them all greet their boyfriends made me sad. Made me miss her.
Now she’s probably there waiting for me and I almost dread seeing her. I mean, I want to, but I also think…
Maybe we should take it slow—like really slow until the end of the season. I’m willing to do just about anything to stay on track and finish out the season on top. Everyone’s right, another blip, another loss isn’t going to ruin everything, but what if this keeps up? I stay with Ava, keep having sex with her and keep having shit practices and lose more games. Lose my shot at the chance to win a bowl.
Lose my shot at getting to the NFL.
My heart feels like it seizes in my chest and I rub at it absently, recognizing it as anxiety. I can’t risk it.
I can’t risk fucking up our entire future because I’m not doing this just for me—this is all for her too. I love that girl more than anything. She loves me too, and she’ll understand. She will. She comes from a football family. If anyone should get what I’m doing and where I’m coming from, it’s her.
When I finally do see Ava, I can’t help the smile that appears. She smiles in return, her eyes full of sadness. All for me.
Damn, this woman. She has such a big heart.
She comes to me, stopping just in front of me and resting her hands on my chest. “You okay?” Her voice is quiet, just for me.
I nod, leaning in to kiss her because, damn it, I can’t help it. And it might be the last time we kiss for a while.
But she can sacrifice for me, can’t she?
Just for a little while.
“Are you sure?” Her fingers curl into my shirt, tugging me down so I have to kiss her again. Not a hardship. “You seemed really upset earlier. You didn’t even stay on the field for the reporters.”
“So they can ask me endless questions and make me feel like shit? No thanks,” I mutter, slinging my arm around her shoulders and pulling her into my side. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Are you tired? I can go home with Gracie if that’s easier on you,” she suggests, nibbling on her lower lip.
“I want to take you home. I want to talk to you about a few things and maybe I could stop by and see my mom and Ryan, see how she’s doing,” I tell her.
“Okay.” She nods, still looking worried. I don’t like seeing that expression on my girl.
Just wait until I tell her what I’m thinking. She might flip the fuck out.
We chat with the group for a little bit, but we all want out of here, so we part ways in the parking lot, me following Ava, since I have no clue where she parked my car.
“Do you want me to drive?” she asks when we’re finally approaching the car and she’s pulling my keys out of her bag.
“I’ll drive. I don’t mind,” I answer, taking the keys from her.
I’m quiet for the first few minutes I’m driving, maneuvering myself out of the parking lot and away from the stadium and campus. Traffic is shit on the main streets and by the time we’re on the freeway headed north, I’m exhaling with relief.
Traffic stresses me the fuck out. Hell, lately, everything stresses me out.
Ava remains quiet too and I know she’s doing it for me. She’s concentrating on her phone, tapping away on the screen and I wonder who she’s texting.
