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I jump off the bed and start pacing around my room, kicking clothes strewn about the floor out of my way. My room is a mess. I can’t remember the last time I cleaned it. And it’s so dark in here. The blinds are drawn, as well as the blackout curtains and I go to one of my windows, yanking the curtains open before I draw up the blinds.
The sun smacks me right in the face, and I squint, surprised to see nothing but clear blue skies and a few white fluffy clouds. “It’s beautiful outside.”
“I tried to get you to go on a walk with me,” she says, like the bossy big sister she is. “But you said no.”
I turn to look at her, watching as she sits up on my bed, smoothing her hair away from her face. “I’m tired of being sad,” I say.
She smiles. “If I’d known my talking to you would’ve pushed you out of your perpetual bad mood, I would’ve done it sooner.”
Rolling my eyes, I stare out the window once more, spotting my dad in the front yard with my uncle, my cousin Knox and Beck. They’re throwing a football back and forth, all of them football gods in their own right.
Which, of course, makes me think of Eli and everyone else. Even Ash.
“Where’s your fiancé?”
“He’s flying in tonight. Then he flies back out first thing Friday morning. He has a game,” Autumn explains.
“Are you staying longer?”
“I’ll stay as long as you need me, baby sister.”
My gaze narrows. “Did Mom say she wanted you to stay?”
“Maybe.” She shrugs, brushing it off. “You need to get out in the sun. You’re really pale, and giving me serious Twilight vibes. Plus you look like you’ve lost weight.”
“Depression over a breakup is a great diet,” I say sarcastically, though I mean every word I say.
Autumn joins me at the window, glancing down at the yard. “Remember when we used to throw the football with them?”
“They humored us.”
“Ha,” she barks. “I don’t know about you, but I always had a pretty good arm. Dad used to say I was better than Jake.”
Her laughter grows, and so does mine.
“That made him so mad,” I say, comforted when Autumn wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her side.
“It did, and there is nothing better than making Jake angry.”
We both laugh at that.
“Let’s go out there and show them what we’ve got.”
I glance down at myself in the old T-shirt I’m wearing—one of Eli’s, of course, because I like torturing myself. “Let me change first.”
“Okay.” She pulls me in for a hug. “And hey, it’s going to be all right. It’ll all work out like it’s supposed to.”
After Autumn leaves, I go into the bathroom and brush my hair. Splash water on my face. Stare at my reflection, noting that I’m actually very pale, even my lips. My hair hangs limp and I can’t remember the last time I washed it. I haven’t worn makeup since I don’t know when and I haven’t gotten dressed up. It’s mostly old T-shirts and sweats. And my appetite has completely left me.
Deciding to brush my teeth, I put some toothpaste on my electric toothbrush and start, scrubbing my back molars vigorously.
Too vigorously.
I gag, pulling the toothbrush out fast and stand there gasping for a moment.
Carefully, I start up again, but this time the gagging happens much faster than the first time and I actually vomit.
Not much since I really don’t have anything in my system, but still.
