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Cold hard facts.
“But even with me saying that, I don’t think he’s been with anyone else.” Jocelyn leans in closer to me, her voice low. “They will keep it a secret though, if they don’t want you to find out. I don’t want you to think Eli’s been faithful to you. I have no idea. None of us do.”
Her candor is refreshing. Jocelyn doesn’t like being lied to, even if it’s to protect her feelings. I feel the same way. I trust my friends when they say they don’t believe Eli’s been with anyone else.
I also know Jocelyn is right when she says the guys would keep it quiet from them if it ever came out that Eli actually did hook up with another girl. For all I know, he’s hooked up with countless girls. Using all of them to get over me…
Or maybe it was easy for Eli to get over me. We weren’t seeing each other much anyway. The last time we had sex was in February. That’s…almost eight months ago now. We never saw each other during spring break because he went to Mexico for part of it with the boys, while I was stuck in San Diego, obligated to stay because of yet another sorority event.
He barely protested when I told him I couldn’t see him during spring break, which is so unlike him. I think that’s what lulled me into believing he wouldn’t be upset when I told him I was going to Spain for the summer instead of coming home. But he surprised me when he exploded with outrage. Screaming at me over the phone. I called him back a few days later, and he immediately knew what my decision was, almost as if he could sense it.
When I told him I hadn’t changed my mind, he said, “Guess I know how much I mean to you.”
And ended the call.
That was it. That was the very last thing he ever said to me.
“I hope I didn’t make you mad,” Jocelyn says, pulling me back to the present. “I just didn’t want to sugarcoat anything. That gets a person nowhere, if you ask me.”
“No, you didn’t upset me.” My focus returns to the field, zeroing in on the asshole wearing the number one jersey. “He did.”
I incline my head in Eli’s direction.
Jocelyn slips her arm around my shoulders and gives me a firm squeeze. “It’s going to be okay.”
“You’re right. It is,” I reaffirm, wishing I really believed what I was saying.
Because I don’t. I don’t feel like everything is going to be okay. Not yet, at least. I probably shouldn’t have come home. But considering the study abroad program ended in mid-September and I had no housing in San Diego for the rest of the semester, I didn’t know what else to do. I took the rest of the semester off, both of my parents encouraging me to do so.
“You need a break,” Mom said with a frown. “You work too hard.”
“And we rarely get to see you, even when you’re home,” Dad added. “This way, we can see you more.”
The guilt brought me home, though I know that wasn’t my parents’ intention. I realized rather quickly that things aren’t the same anymore. Everyone is down in Fresno, going to school. Ellie and Jackson are currently in London, though they’ll be returning to the States soon. She told me she’s coming to see me, the moment they arrive in Los Angeles, and I hope that’s true.
I miss my best friend.
“And another touchdown thrown by Bennett! He is unstoppable tonight!” the announcer suddenly booms.
The crowd roars their approval, and I automatically clap, watching as Eli thrusts his fist into the air in victory. He’s playing a great game tonight. I wish I could take credit for it.
But I know I have nothing to do with his playing skills.
I hav
e nothing to do with him at all.
Five
Eli
I took all of that anger and frustration I felt at seeing Ava—having her openly smile at me like nothing happened between us, what the actual fuck—and channeled it onto the football field. I played like a man possessed tonight. Filled with the need to prove to her that I don’t need her. That I can do just fine on my own. I’m a skilled motherfucker who knows how to work magic when I’m playing a game.
I proved that too. I had the entire crowd going nuts. Bet they forgot all about Ash Davis tonight. I’ve been playing consistently since the start of the season. We’ve only lost one game and it was to a team who has beat our asses every single year for the last ten. Not even Ash could beat them. Other than that, I’m having a pretty perfect season, only throwing one interception so far.
One.
That’s pretty damn good.
