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I don’t deserve her anyway. She’s too damn good for me. But also…
I’m pissed at her still. For not even trying to fight back. For agreeing with me that we were done. I’m the one who gave her an ultimatum, and it bit me in the ass. If she would’ve come home and told me she missed me, we would’ve hashed it out. We’d probably be together right now.
But nope. We talked twice before she left for Spain. One minor argumentative conversation where I hung up on her. Then another big one. Like a massive blow out, yell at each other phone call that wasn’t pretty. That time she hung up on me.
I don’t even know if she’s home from her trip yet. Did she return from Europe? Is she still out there traveling around and meeting other people? Other guys?
Fuck, it’s absolute torture thinking of her with someone else.
No one tells me shit either. They’re all silent. Abnormally quiet. Someone knows something. I’d corner Grace if I could, but she went and moved recently because of her new job—teaching in the same school district a bunch of us went to as kids. The minute we graduate, Caleb’s headed up there too, I guarantee it. Doing what, no one is sure of yet, but he’ll figure something out.
Jake’s frozen me out completely too—not a huge loss since he’s down in So Cal, but totally expected. I did his baby sister wrong and now I’m the mortal enemy again. But this time, I’ve got his bros defending me as well. They’re my friends now too. I’m close with Diego and Caleb, his two besties from high school. In fact, Caleb is watching me right now with the most sympathetic look on his face I think I’ve ever seen.
“You should try and talk to her,” he suddenly says, and I stare at him as if he’s grown three heads.
“Hell no,” I say without hesitation. “She’ll claw my eyes out if I try and approach her.”
“You never know,” he says with a shrug. “She might be hurting as much as you are.”
“I’m not hurting,” I say. “I’m too pissed to hurt.”
Skeptical looks from each of them for that comment. I’m such an idiot.
“Women,” Tony says, shaking his head. “They’re the worst, am I right?”
I scoff. “Give me a break. You’re so whipped it’s not even funny.”
“Just as whipped as you were when you and Ava were together,” he throws back at me.
“They are the worst,” I tell him, because fuck me standing, they are. “Who needs them?”
“Not you,” Caleb says.
“Not me,” I agree.
I look at every one of them sitting around in my kitchen. They all have girlfriends. Shit, Diego and Jocelyn are practically married. He gave her a ring over the summer, the sucker. But he’s doing right by her because she’s the mother of their daughter and I get it.
They’re a family.
Tony and Hayden are living together and I think he’s close to giving her a ring too, which is wild to even contemplate. Jackson isn’t around—he’s too busy touring the world with Ellie by his side. Those two lovebirds are living the dream. And then there’s Caleb.
Caleb the player. Caleb the perv. Caleb the idiot.
Caleb who found himself a good woman—Gracie. The both of them were chasing after other people when they shared a connection with each other all along. He’s the one who’s blown my mind the most.
A few months ago, my friends’ relationships would not have bothered me. I wouldn’t have even noticed, too wrapped up in Ava. But now that I’m single and miserable and it feels like something is slowly dying inside of me, I can’t help but see it.
Their happiness. All of them are so fucking happy.
And I resent them for it. A few years ago, when most of these guys were still single and I was the one in a relationship and smug in the knowledge that I had a girl who loved me…
I was on top of the world.
Look how far and hard the mighty have fallen.
Because I’m so far from happy…
We eat more donuts—well, I don’t. My appetite has been for shit since May. I work out constantly too. I’m in the best physical condition I’ve ever been in my life. I’m cut, I have an eight pack, I can run fast as a motherfucker because I’m that much lighter, despite the muscle mass I’ve gained. I’m on fire on the field, and so is the rest of the team. We’re predicted to have a great season, and I believe we will.
