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It was. “Let me worry about my column. I know how to handle it.”
“Just don’t make me out to be a jerk.”
Marti scoffed. Did he forget he was the one that asked for this? As far as he was concerned, she was doing him a massive favor in exchange for a small one. “Don’t worry, your reputation will remain intact, and Hidden Heartbeat will benefit. There’s no reason we can’t make this work for both of us.” She glanced away from him a moment, her thoughts in hyperdrive. “But you know what I’ve been trying to figure out in all this?”
“Do tell.”
“Why you’re still single? You’re a doctor, successful. You’re not totally hideous . . .”
Logan snorted.
“And you actually want to settle down. You’re like every woman’s fantasy.”
He shrugged but averted his gaze. “I haven’t met the right one.”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re licking some pretty deep wounds?” He was lying, she was sure of it.
The muscle in his jaw twitched. “Aren’t we all?”
“Some more than others.”
“And which end of the spectrum do you fall?”
Now it was her turn to look away. Because she’d seen firsthand the damage love could do and knew he’d be able to read the fault lines in her eyes.
She glanced out the window of the small pizza shop, separated from the bustling metropolis by nothing more than a sheet of glass. Out there, things moved fast. She could bury the things she never wanted to think about. It was easy to forget and pretend. But in here, with him . . .
“Do you expect me just to believe you’re that way because you’re an ambassador for women’s independence? That there’s no reason you’re so jaded?” he asked.
Marti pinned him with her gaze. “Presumptuous much?”
“I call it like I see it.”
Marti toyed with the straw in her glass, needing to busy her hands. “Not wanting to lose yourself to someone doesn’t make you jaded.”
“I beg to differ.”
“The second you fall in love, you give a piece of yourself over to that person. You lose control. There is a part of you out there you can’t get back. A piece of you that can be crushed in an instant. Suddenly, your choices aren’t all your own. You do things in the name of love. You feel t
hings you don’t want to, both good and bad. And you better believe that person has all the power in the world. It’s like a free-fall. Love is closing your eyes and believing that person will be there behind you, to hold you up, without looking back. Why would any sane person give someone that much power?”
Logan stared into her eyes, and she didn’t like what she saw reflected back at her. The woman in the black of his eyes looked angry and bitter. Not at all like the strong, independent woman she prided herself on.
“Love isn’t a one-way street. It’s both people giving, sharing. Each holds equal power,” he said.
A part of Marti wanted to believe what he said. It was a nice thought, the existence of the kind of love he described. But the picture he painted was a fairytale. Every life experience she had told her otherwise. Even her own father had disappointed her. At the end of the day, people were selfish, and the only one protecting your heart was yourself. Marti would take solitude in exchange for a broken heart any day.
She swallowed over the lump in her throat. “The only person you can really trust in life is yourself. And that’s the truth. Everything else is just a lie we tell ourselves.”
Logan whistled. “Someone did a number on you.”
“I just call it like I see it.” She clenched her jaw—any harder and her teeth would turn to dust.
“Some of the best things in life come from giving up control. That’s when the real magic happens.”
Marti speared him with a look and raised a brow. “Losing control is reckless. Nothing good comes from recklessness.”
“You’re wrong.” His tone hardened.
