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“Okay. I got this,” he said, more to himself than her.
He made his way to the bathroom, pausing at the threshold when faced with two pale butt cheeks.
“What’s the problem, Peter?” If his naked behind and Brady’s fun little show tune were any indicators, Peter had most definitely crapped his pants.
“I pooped,” Peter said. “In my pants.”
Blake nodded. Yup. Of course. “When your mom mentioned accidents, I thought that was just, you know, pee.”
“Not anymore,” Brady sang from the living room.
“Right.” Blake nodded. “Well,” he clapped his hands together, “why don’t you go find a pair of clean clothes while I clean this up.”
Without asking twice, Peter fled from the bathroom stark naked, leaving Blake to face the scene of the crime alone.
Blake stared at the soiled underwear in dismay. Little nuggets nestled softly among the white cotton. Somehow, when he imagined watching three four-year-olds, he never bargained for poopy pants.
Turning, he headed for the kitchen, jaw set in grim determination.
He was a man on a mission as he rummaged through the drawers until he found a pair of salad tongs and an empty grocery bag, then returned to the bathroom. Plugging his nose with a chip clip, he dry-heaved as he gripped the soiled underwear with the tongs.
“Mr. Blake’s gonna puke.” Kinsley giggled.
Blake weaseled the underwear into the empty shopping bag with his free hand while he gagged. By this time, Peter returned with Blake at his side.
Bouncing on their toes with surprising dexterity, they chanted, “Puke. Puke. Puke.”
When the doorbell rang, Blake’s gaze shot up. Hope momentarily surged through his veins. Mel was home early. Thank you, God!
A quick glance at the clock burst that bubble. It was only two o’clock. How was time going so slowly?
The doorbell rang again, this time more violently, ding-a-dong-diiiing-diiing, drilling into Blake’s brain like a jackhammer, along with the sound of the children’s screaming.
He handed the tongs and chip clip to Kinsley. “Here,” he said and tied the poop bag shut with one final dry-wretch as he made his way toward the ringing, wondering who on earth would want to voluntarily step foot in this apartment. When he swung the door wide, a pizza delivery boy stood in front of him with a bored expression. “You ordered a cheese pizza?”
“Oh, right.” Blake forgot in the melee that he ordered lunch after he burned the macaroni and cheese on the stove.
The boy thrust the pizza toward him. The scent of cheese made his stomach roil after all the dry-heaving. He gagged as he took it, trying to cover his mouth with his shoulder since his hands were full. “Just a second,” he murmured, wanting to get this kid out of his face.
He handed Pizza Boy the poop bag. “Hey, what is—” The boy’s words stopped abruptly as he turned his head away from the bag and held it out from his body. “This smells like sh—”
Wham! A flying soccer ball nailed the kid right in the crotch.
Pizza Boy folded like a pretzel, poopy bag extended in one hand, the other covering his groin as his face turned five shades of red.
Blake’s eyes widened. “Er . . .” He glanced down to a proud Kinsley, who, in her innocence, saw nothing wrong with kicking objects into boy’s privates.
“Let’s play,” she yelled.
“Uh, not now.” Blake ushered her back around, further into the apartment, then turned to face the poor kid. “Here you go.” He whipped a hundred dollar bill out of his wallet and shoved it into his chest. “Keep the change.” Then he slammed the door shut and all but flung the pizza onto the table.
“Pizzzza!” Brady screamed with a raised fist. Then the three of them descended on it like piranhas, while Blake flopped on the couch.
SIX O’CLOCK, AND HE was still alive—a miracle.
Blake sat next to the kids on the loveseat, air wheezing through his soul-weary lungs, when he heard the sound of Mel’s key in the lock.
His head lulled to the side. Somehow he had managed to wrangle the children for a movie. Jurassic Park played on the screen in all its HD glory, and based on their wide-eyes and unblinking gaze, he guessed this was their first introduction to a life-like, man-eating T-Rex.
