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I pulled the drawstrings of my hoodie tighter, taking in the Christmas lights, pine wreaths, and garland decorating the surrounding homes when it dawned on me—my parents hadn’t put up any decorations this year. We hadn’t even gotten our Christmas tree up yet, and while Christmas was still three weeks away, we usually put it up after Thanksgiving. What did that even mean, the absence of those things?
I glanced to my right at the sound of laughter and watched as a family—mother, father, and two daughters—piled out of a car and headed into a light-trimmed house. A stab of envy sunk inside my bones. I wanted desperately to be a part of a real family again. Happy. Carefree. Going places together and then returning home with nothing but joy and contentedness, but instead, I found myself constantly walking on eggshells, always trying to be perfect, to find something to make my parents happy again—to bring us back together. And look where that got me. All my problems were building and rising to the surface, threating to spill out of me in one cataclysmic eruption, and today they finally had. When that ball hit me and I saw Carson laugh, I snapped.
I embarrassed myself in front of the class.
I almost got suspended.
I was unraveling. And I knew it.
I couldn’t keep up the pretense much longer, but I had to try. For them. For us. For myself, at least until I left for school in the fall. If I left for school in the fall. I still hadn’t gotten any early acceptance letters yet. I checked the mail before I left the house—twice just to be sure.
With the way things had been going lately, it would be my luck to get rejected from all the colleges I applied to and be forced to stay right there in Sweet Water. The only bright side to that terrifying scenario would be an extra year with Ethan. He was my best friend, and so the only downside to going away to school was leaving him behind. Because he was a Sweet Water lifer. He’d never leave.
The Brooks’ house came into view with their large, sunny yellow exterior, their huge white wraparound porch, and the wind chimes that seemed to endlessly tinkle a cheerful, melodic tune. Above the garage was a giant, brightly painted sign with a grand sailboat created by a local artist. It read, “Welcome to Port,” and that’s exactly how I felt as I approached—home, at bay.
I started to veer into their driveway when a sleek black car I recognized as Olivia’s slowed next t
o me and came to a stop. When Olivia poked her head out of the window, she smiled. “Hey, Mia.”
“Uh, hi,” I said.
I was reasonably popular but tended to float between groups, never associating myself with any one clique. Instead, I socialized with a smattering of kids from all circles at Sweet Water High, which meant I wasn’t unfriendly with Olivia, but she wasn’t exactly one of my favorite people either. She and Tasha tended to look down on a lot of people, and their favorite pastime seemed to be hopping from boy to boy. No one was off limits. The word man-eater came to mind. When Greg dumped me my sophomore year, it was amazing how Olivia had conveniently been there for him in his time of need. A day later, they were an item. Olivia and Tasha were always nice to my face, but I always wondered what they said about me behind closed doors. I suspected it was as cruel as what they said about everyone else.
“So, that was pretty crazy today in gym.” Her eyes sparkled with laughter, and I was no body language expert, but something told me she had an ulterior motive for this bit of small talk.
“Yeah.” I shrugged and crossed my arms over my chest.
“I mean, if I were you, I’d be totally mortified. The way you went after Carson like that.” She widened her eyes. “And your face. I mean, yikes.”
My hand automatically shot up to my eye. I dropped it, not wanting to give her the satisfaction of getting under my skin. With girls like Olivia, it was all about not letting them see you sweat.
I pursed my lips. Did she actually want me to respond? What did she expect me to say? “Yeah, it wasn’t my finest moment. But Carson is always picking on me, and he kind of had it coming.”
“I heard you have to do that lame Christmas tree thing together now.” She grimaced, then added, “But at least you get to be punished together. I mean, Carson’s pretty hot. I heard he hasn’t asked anyone to the Snowflake Ball yet.”
Is there a point to this, I wanted to ask, but I kept my mouth shut and glanced back to the Brooks’ house then to Olivia again, hoping she got the hint. “Right. Um, did you need anything? I’m kind of running late. I’m supposed to meet Ethan…”
“Of course. Yeah, actually, that’s why I stopped when I saw you. I know you’re, like, best friends with his brother or whatever…I mean, I don’t know why. He’s an underclassman.” She pulled a face like she couldn’t imagine anything worse.
“He’s a junior.”
“Whatever. I just thought since you’re tight with the other Brooks kid that you could, you know, mention me to Carson. Maybe mention the dance, too. I thought he might want to—”
“The other Brooks kid’s name is Ethan, and don’t you already have a date?”
Olivia’s smile froze on her perfect face. “Well, I didn’t give any of them a hard yes.”
She couldn’t be serious. But wait, this was Olivia, so of course, she was.
“Uh-huh. I’ll be sure to let him know you’re interested,” I said, hoping I didn’t sound as bitter as I felt. Only Carson could act like a jerk and snag a date. Then again, he seemed to only reserve his toxic charm for me.
“Great.” Olivia flashed me one of her supermodel smiles, then rolled her window back up and drove off.
I gave her an epic eye roll once she was gone, but it wasn’t enough to smother the hot and sticky feeling settling inside my chest. Why did I care that Olivia wanted to go to the dance with Carson? They’d look good together. And he probably liked the vapid, materialistic type.
Turning back, I headed up the driveway and onto the porch. I paused at the front door, listening to the muffled sounds from inside. Music played softly in the background, and Ethan’s voice vibrated through the door, followed by his parents’ laughter, and the clinking of dishes as they set the table. The scent of tomato sauce wafted toward me from an open window in the kitchen. Mrs. Brooks was famous for having a window open, no matter the weather. She said fresh air was good for the soul. I just thought the Brooks family was good for the soul. Well, most of them, anyway.
“You’re early.”
