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I smiled, feeling suddenly shy, and glanced away. “Yeah, maybe. I should probably spend the morning with my parents, but I’m sure I could come over. I’d love that, actually.” The thought of being with a family that actually wanted to be together sounded pretty nice.
“Mia. . .” Carson touched the side of my cheek, turning my gaze toward him. “Come to my meet on Saturday.”
“Like, with Ethan?”
Carson glanced down to the table then back again, lifting a shoulder. “With Ethan, or alone. Alone is good.” He laughed, and it was maybe the first and only time I’d heard him sound nervous. “I want you to come watch me swim. Will you?”
Out of all the words he just said, the words, I want you, were the three I focused on. Why did they sound so good coming from him? Why did they make my heart soar and my insides twist?
I’m in trouble, I thought. Totally hopeless. And as Carson gazed at me intently from across the table, my heart sped up. There was no way I’d say no. “Okay, I’d like that.”
A moment later, the waitress came to the table to take our order, apologizing for the wait, and I thought, take all the time you want. Then I realized with a little pull inside my chest that if there was one thing I learned these last weeks about Carson, it was how impossible he was to resist.
???
Tuesday morning, I woke early and padded my way into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Sunlight streamed through the windows helping to clear the haze of sleep. When I headed to the refrigerator and yanked open the door, my mom appeared in the entryway.
“Hey, Mia.”
“Mom,” I acknowledged, bending over and searching for something worth eating.
“What do you say we go grab breakfast. Just you and me?”
I turned toward her and closed the fridge door. Going to breakfast was Mom’s code for: I want to talk to you about something serious. So, I searched her face, looking for a hint of what was in store for me.
The hair on my arms prickled. “Where’s Dad?” I asked.
“Already at work.” She smiled weakly, then said, “Come on. Go get dressed. It’ll be fun. We’ll go to Sweet Water Stacks.”
Sweet Water Stacks was a bribe. She knew it was my favorite because they served waffles two inches thick, stacked three-high, with fruit and whipped cream.
My hesitation was brief before I said, “Okay,” and hurried out of the kitchen and up the stairs, but not without a lump in my throat and a sinking in my gut.
By the time we arrived at the little diner, the silence in the car was deafening. We were seated almost immediately, and after we placed our orders, Mom curled her hands around her coffee cup, and I knew it was coming. Whatever her reason for wanting to talk, I was about to find out. “I want to apologize. I know I haven’t been around much lately, or at least not very present.”
I swallowed. So this was about her and Dad. It’s what I expected. Still, that didn’t make it any easier.
I played with the silverware in front of me, rubbing at the hard water marks and buffing it out until I could see my reflection in my spoon. “Neither has Dad,” I pointed out, mostly because saying something felt better than staying quiet.
Mom nodded and bit her lower lip before meeting my eyes again. “I just want you to know that you’re a good kid, Mia. You’ve always made things so easy.” She smiled again, and for a moment, I just wished she’d stop. It was brittle and weak and fake, and I wanted no false happiness from her. It only reminded me of how wrong everything was.
While I was old enough to rationalize that none of this was my fault—her and Dad—her comment only reminded me of how I may have been an easy kid, but it wasn’t enough to hold our family together. Maybe nothing was.
“What’s happening with you guys?” I asked. “Are you going to get a divorce?”
“I don’t know.”
Well, at least she wasn’t lying.
Mom refilled her coffee cup from the little carafe on the table, and I sensed it was more to keep her hands busy than anything. Then she took a sip and glanced up at me. “Whatever happens, we love you. I want you to know that. And everything will be okay.”
The way she said it made me think she did know what was going to happen with them. Maybe she was lying after all. Then again, I already knew what the future held. It was only a matter of time before they split. Part of me wondered why they didn’t just get it over with. Like ripping a Band-Aid off. Instead, they were slowly picking away at the scab, and all it did was make it bleed until it was sure to leave a scar.
Mom reached out and squeezed my hand over the cheap gingham tablecloth, and I tried to focus on the bright red and white squares, but it was hard through the blur of tears.
“You’ve done nothing wrong in this, Mia. Nothing. You’ve been amazing, and what’s happening between your father and I is between us. It’s on us. We’ve grown apart. Things have
happened. Maybe we got too comfortable and stopped trying. Maybe that was the problem. I don’t know that it’s as simple as one thing or one reason that’s torn us down, but you, my dear, are the one amazing thing that came from us. And we will never regret that. We could never regret you. Ever.”
