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And God, if Darren releases that video.
I’ll ruin him.
One way or another.
I’m going to ruin this beautiful man.
And I was still too selfish to break up with him. I told myself I would when we got back to his apartment. But then he held me and the next second, made such sweet love to me.
Even now, I’m justifying it. Because, after all, Darren might still release the tape even if I did break up with Dylan. He didn’t ask me to break up with Dylan. He asked me to get Dylan to reconsider the contract with ProDynamics.
Underneath, I know it’s just selfishness. I can’t bear to lose him. Not yet. Getting lost in his arms last night was everything I needed. More than I ever expected or ever hoped for myself. I never even knew anything like that kind of passion and connection existed.
I love you.
I flop back down in my chair, running his words over in my head for the millionth time. He loves me.
But would he still love me if he knew the truth? The whole truth about how I let Bryce whore me out? About how Dylan himself had been one of the men who had used me, along with his own horrible brother?
Thoughts of Darren only make my stomach sour. Dylan has no clue that he’s in business with a viper. Another secret. But is the only way to protect Dylan really to betray him by pushing him into doing what his brother wants? To lie to him and manipulate him?
If I push it hard enough and make it obvious enough what I’m doing, maybe Dylan will want to break up with me. Maybe I can make it look like that was why I pursued him in the first place. All so I could secure the contract for my company.
Maybe he’ll get disgusted with me and make the break I can’t. Then he’d be free from my taint.
God, even the thought sends my heartbeat racing in terror. A life without Dylan?
I haven’t known him long and I might never be able to admit it to him, but God, of course I love him. When you meet the other half of yourself, you’re a fool if you don’t hold onto them as hard as humanly possible.
Meeting him has been like… like coming home. That’s the only way I can describe it.
So there’s only one way forward.
I can’t lose him. No matter what.
I breathe out and reach for my phone and type out a quick text, then hit send before I can second guess myself:
Swamped today but missing you. Think you could come by the office to have lunch with me at my desk?
His response was almost instantaneous: I’ll bring Chinese takeout from that place you love.
I’m a wreck for the rest of the morning, barely getting anything done other than answering a few emails. Every few seconds, I glance back at the clock. Naturally, it’s moving at an agonizingly slow pace.
A couple of weeks ago my boss himself came by my office. He said he’d heard that I was dating a Lennox brother.
“You know bids are still out for their new robotics line. Whoever gets that contract will be secure for the next decade. So maybe you could smooth the way or put in a good word for ProDyn—”
“Absolutely not.” I was so vehement and righteous in my indignation. “I do not mix my work and personal life and I won’t apologize for it.”
“I’m sorry,” Rod backpedaled, lifting his hands, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to try to put you in an awkward position. Forget I said anything.”
I heard what he was really saying. Don’t mention him trying to pressure me to Dylan. The last thing Rod wanted was a negative impression of ProDynamics making its way back to Dylan either. I just lifted my chin. “Like I said, I keep my work and personal lives completely separate.”
He nodded and ducked out of my office without another word and that was that.
And now here I am. It only took a Darren sized wind to swing my moral compass so far from north I hardly recognize myself as I wait for Dylan to arrive.
It’s finally half past twelve and I can’t stop my toe from tapping nervously on the carpet underneath my desk. It’s a terrible nervous habit of mine. Thank God the office is carpet, not tile. With the carpet, no one can hear the tapping, and from the waist up, I can usually manage to look completely composed no matter what’s thrown my way.
Of course, the stakes have never been so high.
Right on time, I hear a knock at my office door. I shoot to my feet even as I call out, “Come in.”
Dylan pushes open the door with a wide smile, holding the bag of Chinese takeout like a proud delivery boy.
