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The shock of the water snapped some sense back into me, like a rubber band against my head. “What just happened?”
Ezra stares at me with wild eyes. “What just happened? You had a hissy fit, put a dent in Solon’s wall, then started lighting shit on fire, including yourself. That’s what happened.”
I swallow hard, staring at the singed rug so close to my feet. “And the water? Was that you?”
A faint look of pride comes across his face. “Yeah, that was me. Think you’re the only one who barters witches for magic? Whatever gifts you’ve been given, just know I have the thing to counter it. Someone has to keep you on your toes. The Mercutio to Romeo.”
I frown. “Which one of us is Romeo?”
“Me, obviously,” he scoffs. “Anyway, I think you need to sit back and down and figure your shit out, bud, because you’re creating one hell of a problem in this house, at a time when we already have our hands full. You think you’re the only one dealing with Yvonne’s death? You’re not. Amethyst aside, we’re all taking this hard. Lenore, Solon, me. But we’re not breaking that poor girl’s heart, and we’re certainly not setting shit on fire, either.”
Though the rage inside me that somehow conjured up flames has been tampered, the sorrow inside me has not.
“It had to be done,” I tell him, collapsing back in my chair, the air smoldering.
“Did it now?” he asks, walking around the back of the chair. Suddenly my head turns into stars and there’s a burst of pain as Ezra slaps me upside the head. “Get the fuck over yourself!”
I whirl around, holding my cheek, about to punch Ezra right in the face. “What the fuck was that for?”
“Solon isn’t here, so someone needs to keep you in line. Actually wait, that was Amethyst’s job, wasn’t it?”
Fuck. He’s right. She was the one who kept all of us in line.
“Listen, fucklehead,” he goes on, “I get that you want to feel sorry for yourself, I do. And you have every right to. But you can’t create your own problems and then blame them on someone else.”
“I’m not—”
“You’re acting like a fucking human is what you’re doing,” he cuts me off. “You’re being a douche. A typical guy with cold feet. So, you’re in love with her and one day she dies. Big fucking deal man, everyone has to go through that, even vampires. What, you think you’re so special that you don’t? Just because you went through it before? Nah, man, that’s not how life works. Not for them, not for us either. We get shit piled on us that we don’t deserve and we have no choice but to wade our way through that shit. Or actually, we do have a choice. You can man up and deal with the fact that sometimes life really fucking sucks and there isn’t anything you can do about it so you might as well make the best of it. Or you can fucking roll over and give up, and that’s what you’re doing.”
I open my mouth to protest but I immediately close it.
Because he’s right.
He’s so fucking right.
I’m not even living up to my namesake.
A wolf wouldn’t roll over.
No, I’m just a scared little boy. And I’m not even the scared little boy that I was, because that boy was brave. When my father told me to run away from the men, to run back home, I didn’t listen. I stayed behind. I tried to save him, I wanted to fight them off, and I thought I could. I was braver in that moment than I’ve ever been since. I would have done anything to save my father, even if it meant risking my own life.
What happened to me?
I stare down at my hands. Look at yourself now. Look at what you’ve become. The centuries have erased the person you were. That little boy would be so fucking ashamed of the coward you turned out to be.
“Hey now,” Ezra says, sitting down in the chair across from me. “Don’t turn this into a pity party. You’re grieving, Wolf. You’re going to fuck up and do stupid things. Just recognize that you’re doing stupid things, that’s all. Then when you’re ready, go back and get Amethyst and fix this fucking mess because this club is a fucking joke without her.”
I glance up at him. “What if it’s too late?”
“You think she’s going to stop loving you because you did something extremely stupid? Nah, you guys are too entwined for that.” He gets up. “But, honestly, make sure you fix yourself first before you fix your relationship. Trust me on that.”
And then Ezra leaves, and I’m alone again.
Alone with my thoughts.
Such a dangerous combination.
Because the problem still remains. I love her. She loves me. I just broke both of our hearts on purpose because I’m a fucking coward.
