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We both freeze. Guess I’m more like my mother than I thought. That girl from the club comes hurdling back. The fearless girl who used to dance with slimy men and break their noses when they got too comfortable. The girl who refused to take shit from any man.
Where’d she go?
The only thing that moves is our heavily pumping chests. Slowly, he looks over at me. Several emotions play across his eyes. Shock and fury are prominent, but there’s another emotion swirling around that I can’t name.
“Why did you do that?” he asks darkly.
“Because you deserved it,” I breathe, feeling a tad invigorated.
“Do you feel better?”
“Only if it means you’ll stop laying your hands on me. You’re supposed to make me feel good, not hurt me.”
He sucks in his bottom lip, that unnamed emotion coming to the forefront. It almost seems calculating, but I can’t be sure. And to my surprise, he nods his head.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
I need a thesaurus. How many words are there for the word surprise? I feel every one of them like each synonym is a different emotion.
“You… you’re sorry?” I ask, my brow bunching into a deep V. Whiplash. That’s the best word to describe how I feel.
He nods and touches his hand to his cheek. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that.”
I narrow my eyes, skeptical of his behavior. His whole face transforms. His eyes softening, and his face relaxing. He looks genuinely sorry. Despite my best efforts, I feel myself softening, too.
“Then why did you do that?”
Shame clouds his eyes when he looks my way. “I just get so worried about you. So many men have taken advantage of you, and I’m terrified someone will come along and try to do that. I can’t protect you if I don’t know where you are, River. I can’t keep the monsters away if you show them what they can take from you.”
I bite my lip, and I feel just a little ashamed myself.
“I—I can tell you where I go, and I won’t dress so provocatively. But I need you to stop hitting me.”
He comes to me in a rush, but not with anger this time. This time, it’s nothing but love in his eyes. He curls his strong arms around me tightly and brings me close, nose to nose.
“I’m sorry, baby. I shouldn’t have done any of that. I won’t hit you anymore. I get so frustrated because you don’t understand how men think, and I do. I just need you to listen to me, okay? I need to know where you are and what you’re doing. And I need to make sure your body is covered properly so men don’t try to steal you away.”
I nod, and we both deflate in each other’s arms.
Mako was wrong. Ryan doesn’t want to own my body. He just wants to protect me. Keep me safe.
And no one has ever done that for me before.
“I noticed the mirror,” he says quietly. I stiffen before pulling back.
“Ryan, I am so, so sor—”
“Shh,” he whispers, cutting me off. He grabs the back of my head and pulls me back into him. “It’s okay. I get it. I already had someone come in and replace it.”
Emotion builds up inside my chest. Namely relief. I didn’t want him to hit me again because I broke his mirror. I bite my lip. “You sure you’re not mad?”
“No, baby, I’m not mad. I love you so much, River,” he says, resting his forehead against mine. “I can’t lose you. I can’t live without you.”
Tears burn my eyes. Not from sadness, but from happiness. I feel on top of the world now. I feel like we’re finally moving in the direction we need to be. It feels like we’re healing.
“I love you, too.”
“Let me make you feel good,” he whispers into my ear, nipping my ear. Shivers run through my spine. I’m nodding my head before I even realize it.
