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Over the next couple of minutes I wrapped up my brief remarks and focused the remainder of my evening on assuaging concerns and doubts of every single one of the investors. Although it was difficult, I’ve found that in situations like this, it’s always important to take the perspective of the other person.
My only hope was that the damage was not permanent.
As for me, well, when I got back to my suite well after midnight, it was clear I had a bit of soul-searching to do. Without realizing it, I’d allowed my entire future to be controlled by Fiona, and that was something I had to fix.
FIONA
After a hard swallow, I looked at her.
“How are you feeling, Grandmother?”
After a particularly scary stretch of time, my grandmother had regained consciousness and was alert enough to talk to me. I was grateful for it, because there were a few hours when I doubted I would ever get to speak to her again.
“Oh, I think you know the answer to that, Fiona,” she replied. Her voice no longer carried any strength. It was as if each word she spoke taxed her. “There isn’t much time left for me, dear.”
I’d cried so much in recent days that I thought I’d run out of tears. Yet, as I stood there over her, I felt the familiar heat return to my eyes once again. Now though, each time they returned, they brought with them a sting.
A reminder of the inevitable, the futility of it all.
Her doctors informed me they’d done all they could. At this point the prevailing wisdom was that I should do whatever it took to make her final days as comfortable as possible.
The rational part of me, the scientist, understood the prognosis. After all, there was little question her time was almost up. But, my emotional side, the part that encouraged her to fight on, to try and do what she could to live, still held out a sliver of hope.
I reached down and touched her arm.
It was difficult to hold a conversation with her now. As much as she tried, staying awake for any period of time was proving to be more impossible with each day that passed. Leaving aside the challenges I had at the lab for a moment, the truth was that she was too far gone to have any hope of living long enough for the experimental trials, should they ever come to pass.
But as she lay there, gray and withered, I didn’t have the heart to tell her. She already knew her time was at hand. She wasn’t the type of person who liked to pretend problems didn’t exist, and so I’m sure that in some wee hour, when I wasn’t around, she got the answer she needed from her doctors.
Rocking her with a gentle pressure, I asked, “Can I get you anything Grandmother?”
She remained motionless for several moments. At last, she began to roll her head back and forth on the pillow, opening her eyes and looking at me.
“No, dear. I don’t need anything. Just having you with me is enough.”
I reached up and pressed my hand between my nose and my upper lip, stifling my grief. I’d grown weary of showing it to her, choosing instead to leave her memory of me as someone with strength and courage, as she’d raised me to have. Just then, she had a look on her face as if she’d remembered something.
“Fiona,” she began, her eyes flickering and brightening as she spoke. “Your trip to St. Barth’s… The presentation? How was it? Was it everything that you’d hoped for?”
I nodded and smiled at her.
“It was Grandmother,” I lied as I stroked her with a tender caress. “It was very successful, and nothing but good will come of it.”
Her head rolled back to where it was before. As her eyes closed, she muttered, “That’s wonderful dear, wonderf…”
When the last words tumbled from her lips, I sensed her drift away into sleep. As she did, my phone vibrated in my purse. I walked away from the bed so as not to disturb her, reaching inside my bag as I did. Pulling up the phone, I flipped it towards my face and swept it on.
It was Gabe again.
His text to me in recent days had grown short and angry. But between hospital visits and long hours in the lab, there was little I could tell him. This latest text confirmed what I’d prayed we’d be able to avoid. Namely, that he’d decided to postpone the presentation, instead hoping that once we were able to resolve the problems, we’d be able to gather them all together once more.
Yet, there were something different about this message than all the others…
The way he’d worded it, it was almost as if he laid the blame on me. It felt like he was looking for a scapegoat. I stared at the tiny screen, his words piercing my heart like small digital daggers. For the first time since I’d come to work for Gabe, I was struck with the real fear that he was done with me.
