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“My mom.” He turned back toward me, pain so heavy in his voice, it killed me to hear. “She raised me herself. Kept me safe from my dad when he was on his benders. Gave up everything for me. She was the nicest person in the world. A saint. She died when I was twelve and I didn’t feel anything. I couldn’t even cry at her funeral. Not a single freaking tear. That’s when I knew. I’m broken, Audrey. And no one can fix me.”
I covered my mouth with my hand, torn between wanting to go and comfort Collin or argue with him that this didn’t mean he couldn’t love. But I could see from the intense spark in his eyes that he was utterly convinced. He didn’t think he could love. Nothing I said would change his mind in this moment.
“Well, maybe I don’t care about all of that,” I said, raising my trembling chin. “Maybe I don’t need you to fall in love with me. I just need you to be with me.”
He gave me a sullen look and then sunk into the chair by his desk, cradling his head in his hands. “Come on, Audrey. You know you deserve better than that.”
Did I? I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more in that moment than to be with Collin.
“I don’t care.” I crossed my arms and stared at the back of his head. “The way you kissed me just now, that wasn’t a mistake. I know that, deep down, you have feelings for me. I know you care.”
He looked up at me, his face impassive. “I’m a guy. We don’t need to have feelings to make out with a girl.”
I took an involuntary step backwards, his words stinging. “But that...you can’t fake that.”
“How would you know?” he asked, standing slowly. His eyes glinted with something that looked like pain, although his voice was steady. “You’re the girl who’s never been kissed before. How do you know I didn’t use you? That I didn’t just kiss you because I was bored and there was no one else around?”
I gasped, a cold sensation running through me. He didn’t mean that. He didn’t mean any of that. “Collin...”
“You don’t get it, Audrey.” He stopped just short of me and huffed. “We don’t have a future. We never did. A girl like you, with your family, your college, and unlimited opportunities, doesn’t belong with a guy like me. I belong in a garage fixing cars. Just like my dad. That’s my future. I can’t change that. Just like you can’t change the fact that you think you’re responsible for everyone else’s happiness, except your own. You’re too scared to make any waves. Go on, tell me again why you joined the cheerleading squad. Or why you haven’t told your dad exactly what you think of him abandoning your family.”
Tears burned my eyes and a single one escaped down my cheek. I wiped angrily at it, wishing Collin wasn’t seeing me like this. Maybe he was right. I was scared. I’d spent most of my time this year worrying about my parents. Taking crap from my cousin. But I thought that of all people, he could understand.
“That’s not fair and you know it. You may not be in love with me, but I thought we were at least friends.”
He shook his head, his cheeks flushed. “Audre
y, did you really think we would stay friends after this performance? We’re different people. We run in different circles. It wasn’t going to happen. This relationship always had an expiration date.”
It felt like someone had stacked an entire encyclopedia collection on my chest. Collin had been the one who said he wanted to be friends. What had changed? Was he just yanking me around this whole time? I wanted to say something snappy, but nothing came out of my mouth. Instead, I backed away, trying desperately to hold in the tears.
I needed to get out of that room. The very place I’d been obsessing about for the past few days was now my nightmare. I had to leave. But before I could make it through the door, I paused and glanced back at him over my shoulder.
“You know, you’re not who I thought you were.”
He stood there with his shoulders slumped, his eyes closed. It was like he’d aged ten years in the last ten minutes. “I know. And I’m so sorry.”
I sprinted out of his room, nearly running Ally over in the hall. She tried to ask me what was wrong, but I tore past her. I couldn’t stop. Not until I’d gotten some place where I could break down in peace.
Collin had warned me. He’d told me I’d only get hurt.
He was right.
Chapter Twenty-One
I wanted to be anywhere, anywhere but here, in Mrs. Banks’ office. Her stare could’ve cut through steel as she leaned forward and fixed me with her dark eyes. “Audrey Black, are you telling me that the pair I so faithfully entrusted to represent the music department at the centennial performance isn’t working?”
I squirmed under her gaze. Her desk may have divided us, but she still had an uncanny way of making me feel as transparent as a window. Unlike my mother, who had believed me when I told her I was coming down with something and let me stay home on Monday, Mrs. Banks could see right through me.
“Yes, that’s what I’m saying.” I looked down at my hands in my lap and grimaced. “Collin and I can’t do this song together. Maybe, it’s better if I just drop out.”
The heavy silence that followed forced me to look up and see Mrs. Banks’ disapproving eyes.
“Audrey, you begged me for this opportunity. I almost had to take out a restraining order, you asked me so many times about it. I chose you. And Collin. And that’s what I expect to see at the centennial performance.”
“B-but I can’t.” I felt like a child arguing with her mother. I might as well have been stomping my feet and throwing myself on the ground. “We had a falling out. It’s not going to happen.”
“A falling out?” Mrs. Banks raised her eyebrows. “What about?”
