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“No, it’s fine. My parents will be wondering where I’m at.” I managed to take a small breath that sounded a bit like a gasp. Pain shot through my chest. “Really, I should’ve left hours ago.”
It was true. I never should’ve stopped by the gym. If I’d just kept to the plan, I wouldn’t have been fighting this strange and overwhelming sense of loss. I needed to get out of there. I needed to give Polly and Mason their time alone.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, not meeting Mason’s eyes as I scooped up my backpack. “Good luck.”
I didn’t wait for a reply. By the time my feet hit the hallway tiles, Polly had swept in and redirected Mason’s attention back to her. And when I finally reached my car, my whole body was shaking.
I couldn’t even look at myself in the rearview mirror. Tonight I’d allowed myself to think some dangerous thoughts. To tread on someone else’s relationship. It wasn’t like me. I was better than that. I was the nice friend. The girl who made everyone around her happy.
Where had I gone so wrong?
Chapter Fifteen
The tap, tap, tapping noise next to my arm startled me from a trance. I glanced up from my magazine to see Charley staring at me, her patchy eyebrows raised in expectation. In her hand was a neon pink gel pen, its cap still pounding a rhythm on my armrest.
“Hello, Earth to Trina. I asked you what you were reading about a million times, but I think you were in a coma. What’s going on in that head of yours?”
I smiled guiltily at her and wearily closed the article I’d been looking at in Seventeen. Here I was supposed to be keeping her company during her chemo and I couldn’t seem to stop my brain from drifting away. A million thoughts weighed heavy on my mind. My parents and the conversation we had this morning being one of them.
“My mom and dad think that I’m not spending enough time on my studies,” I said with a sigh. “They know I’m working on a secret art project for school, but I haven’t told them it’s for the senior class present. I wanted to surprise them, but my mom wants me to drop it. She thinks it’s affecting my mental health.”
To be fair, I couldn’t be mad at my mom for suggesting I drop the sculpture. I had been feeling down the last few days, but it had nothing to do with my studies or art. Things had gotten out of control in that gymnasium with Mason. I’d allowed myself to feel things that I had no right to feel. He wasn’t mine and never would be. He had Polly, and I had a research project and art camp.
But as much as I reminded myself of that, I couldn’t seem to pull myself out of this funky mood. Gone was Perky Trina. In her place was emo Trina who pushed the snooze on her alarm five times and had the sudden desire to dress all in black. Smiling wasn’t as easy anymore. And it felt like the force of gravity had doubled.
Class with Mason had become ridiculously hard, although the only one I could blame for that was me. I was the one putting as much space as I could between us. Avoiding eye contact. Staying a million miles away from any physical contact that could set me off. All conversation either focused on welding or my research project.
Everything else was off limits.
And although I know he didn’t mean to, Mason was making everything worse. There were no more biting comments or grumpy comebacks. No more growling over my incessant need to smile. I could’ve handled that. I would’ve preferred that. But lately, it seemed like he’d gotten it into his head that he had to be nice to me. Sweet, even. And I just couldn’t take one more of his hopeful half-smiles from across our library table as he tried and failed to start up another conversation.
That boy was going to be the end of me.
“Well...you do seem a little off,” Charley said, bringing my thoughts back to the chemo ward. Her eyes darted across the room and back to me, as if she was afraid of anyone hearing us. “Honestly, I think you need a good show down between you and your folks. Seriously. You’re seventeen. It’s time they stopped controlling every little aspect of your life. You need to do what you want for a change.”
The passion in her voice made me smile. Charley could talk a big game, but I’d met her family. She was the youngest of five kids with two adoring parents who worked double shifts just to pay for her treatments. I was pretty sure she’d fly to the moon and back for them, if they asked.
“It’ll be fine. If I can just get back on the plan,” I said, gesturing with my hands, “then everything will work out.”
Charley rolled her eyes. “Ugh...the plan.”
I chuckled. “What’s wrong with having a plan?”
“You have plans for everything. Most people have a five-year plan, but I’m pretty sure you’ve got your next forty years figured out.”
I scrunched up my nose. “That’s not true. I don’t have plans for everything.”
“What’s on your wall at home?” She arched her eyebrows, a challenge reflecting in her eyes. “Something called a vision board? Yeah, still a plan. You know, not everything has to follow a plan. Sometimes, it’s nice to do a little off-roading.”
Pressing my lips into a thin line, I shook my head at Charley. Okay, so she was kind of right. A vision board was a plan for my year, and my parents already had half of my life planned out. But those goals and objectives were what kept me grounded. Kept me motivated and sane. This whole thing with Mason was affecting me because I’d gone rogue from Project Happiness. If I could just get back on track, everything would go back to normal.
“You know...” Charley walked her fingers across the armrest and flicked at a piece of fuzz. Her eyes darted up to my face and then back to the floor. “There’s a party going on tonight at Savannah Keys’ house. Might just be a perfect chance to go off-roading...”
I snorted. I’d heard about Savannah’s party. It happened every year around this time. All of the athletic teams would be there. It was their way of pumping up their excitement before our rival game this week. Audrey and Mandy had been talking about it for weeks.
“And just how do you know about that, young lady?”
“Rock Valley Biz posted it on their Instagram yesterday,” she said matter-of-factly and holding up her phone. “Everyone who’s anyone will be there.”
