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What was this stabbing feeling in my chest? Was it my heart, ripping in two?
So much for being Wonder Woman.
“Miss Frye, are you ready to begin?”
I blinked up at Mr. Arnold and tried to nod, but my thoughts were still swirling. I was way past the beginning of this story. We were already at the end — the end where my heart bled out onto the library carpet, forever staining it with the consequences of falling in love a little too late.
“You’ve got this, Trina,” my mom said softly, leaning forward to grasp the top of her knees.
Her small bit of encouragement snapped me back to reality. Oh yeah, I was here to give my presentation. Not regret every bad decision I’d made in my short life. Get it together, Trina.
“This is Project Happiness,” I announced with a weak smile. “The World Happiness Report tells us that Americans are unhappier than ever. We’re nineteenth on the global rankings and dropping fast. So what’s wrong? Why can’t we just be happy?”
An uneasy feeling took root in my gut as I jumped into my presentation. The whole thing should’ve been so easy. I’d rehearsed my talking points about a hundred times by now. But the deeper I got into my notes, the bigger the pit in my stomach grew. I couldn’t escape Mason’s ey
es. He was watching me with his brows pinched together, his lips twisted into a pained frown.
I wished I could smooth out his forehead and run my fingers through his hair once again. How I would’ve loved to feel him loosen up beneath my hands — like he had on that porch swing.
Just before I took his heart and stomped on it.
The more I glanced over at him, the guiltier I felt. I’d walked into this room with no intention of telling Mason how I felt. How could I? It had seemed so selfish. He was with Polly now. I didn’t want to interfere. And yet, keeping it from him was starting to feel worse.
It was yet another lie.
And then there was the nagging situation with my research project. Mom and Dad were watching me with shining eyes as if I were the next Madame Curie. They’d put their trust in me to do what was right. To conduct myself at a level above the rest. I’d failed them, and they didn’t have a clue.
The weight of these lies was going to split me in half. Sweat dripped down the back of my neck, soaking into my blouse. My hands shook. The room was starting to spin a bit, so I leaned on the table for support. I could tell Mandy and Audrey knew something was up. They were leaning toward each other and whispering, shooting me occasional concerned looks. But they couldn’t save me.
I was a runaway train, headed for a collision. If I didn’t get out of here soon, there were going to be some casualties. So I sped into the conclusion of my presentation, eager to end this whole thing.
“And that’s why relationships that are nourished and encouraged are so vitally important to the young adult,” I said, feeling a shudder of relief at hitting my last line. Made it.
My body could’ve collapsed to the floor at that moment, but Professor Garret raised a hand. I nodded at her and tried my best to smile. When would this ever end?
“Yes?”
“Very impressive, Miss Frye,” she said in a light and airy voice I recognized from my online lectures. “I have to say, this presentation went above and beyond anything I’d expect from a high school student.”
I could practically feel my parents beaming with pride. Meanwhile, I would’ve liked to have disappeared into the fibers of the carpet.
“Agreed,” Mrs. Drew added, folding her hands on top of the table. “Trina has always been an exceptionally hard worker, and this presentation is fantastic. She comes at issues with a different viewpoint than most. I believe her artistic eye has given her that advantage.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. My cheeks burned like they were on fire.
Mr. Arnold casually waved his pencil at me and squinted, his glasses sliding to the tip of his nose. “I think what most of us want to know, young lady, is what have you learned from putting on this particular experiment? What will you carry on with you as you enter the wonderful field of science? I understand you plan to be a doctor.”
I gulped, the weight of that question hitting me squarely in the chest. My eyes darted across the room, from my eager parents and best friends, to Mason as he glowered down at his hands in his lap, and then back to my panel of judges. Something was starting to bubble up from my gut and I could do nothing to stop it. It was going to come out of my mouth and destroy everything. But I couldn’t hold in these lies any longer.
I might not have a plan anymore and I might not have known exactly who I was, but I knew one thing: Trina Frye was not a liar. My integrity was one of the few things no one could take away from me. I had to tell the truth.
”To be honest, I learned a lot during this project,” I began, wiping the back of my hand over my damp forehead, “but most of all, I learned about the importance of truth and honesty in everything we do as researchers.” Mr. Arnold nodded and opened his mouth to speak, but I cut him off. “And because of that, I have a confession to make. I messed up. Big time.”
Confusion swept over the room, but I ignored it.
“One of the first rules of science is to have integrity in everything you do. Without our ethics, we are nothing. And my project is nothing. A researcher is supposed to keep a cool distance from her research subjects. A detached and safe distance. I failed that in every way.” I took a deep breath and set my shoulders as I prepared to say something that I could never take back. “I fell for my research subject.”
Mason’s head snapped up at my announcement and he watched me with his eyes narrowed. My heart beat wildly in anticipation. There was no going back now.
