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My chin quivered. I clenched my jaw to try to make it stop. A tear trailed down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. My vision had finally cleared enough for me to see the worry etched on Fred’s face.
She put a hand on my shoulder and directed me toward the cushy recliners near the bookshelves. “Come and talk to me. I’m sure it’s not all that bad.”
I was one hundred percent sure that even a conversation with the amazing Fred couldn’t put back together what I’d broken, but I let her lead me to the chairs. And once I’d sunk into the baby blue plush pleather cushions of one of them, the tears really started coming. I couldn’t stop them. It was like a monsoon. Fred darted away to grab a box of tissues and she placed them gently in my hands. As I dabbed at my eyes and cried into my fist, she waited patiently in the recliner next to mine, until every last tear had been dried up.
“I’m so sorry,” I said with a hiccup. I’d been saying a lot of apologies lately. Some, too late. “I never cry like this. Especially not in front of someone I just met.”
She bent toward me with a caring smile. “Seems like you needed it. Please don’t apologize. I remember what it was like being in high school. The pressure. The disappointment. The feeling like it’s never going to get any better than this. Just know that it won’t always be that way.”
I nodded along, although I couldn’t see how my situation was ever going to get any better. Michael was still the nasty bully he’d always been and now I’d lost Gabriel in the process. There was no coming back from this.
“Why don’t you tell me why you tore your name off of the board?” Fred asked, nodded at the shreds of paper on the floor.
I took a shuddering breath. “All I wanted to do was prove to everyone that girls could game. And that I could be the best, even if they all hated on me. It was my kind of revenge, you know? Secretly enter the tournament. Show up at the final round, take the trophy and the prize right out from under their noses. That’s how it all started. But everything got so messed up and now Gabriel’s going to hate me. And he’s the only boy I ever really liked.”
Fred blinked hard, her frown deepening slowly as she tried to make sense of my story. Smoothing out her black skirt with the palms of her hands, she crossed her legs and the
n clicked her tongue. “I’m not sure I understood all of that, but what I do know is that if this guy is worth any of those tears, he’ll come around. He’ll understand.”
Another massive hiccup racked my chest. I pressed a hand to my mouth, holding in the next one I could feel coming. “I don’t know about that. If it were me, I’d have a hard time forgiving him.”
“Well, then, it’s a good thing you’re not dating yourself.”
Fred’s red painted lips curved into a soft smile. It was such a ridiculous statement that a giggle slipped out of my lips, just as another hiccup came, making for a loud and extremely embarrassing noise. I clamped my hand over my mouth, my eyes widening. This was so not professional. But Fred only tilted her head back and laughed.
“Oh, man, all of this makes me glad I’m not single anymore,” she said, wiping under her eyes. “Thank goodness for my husband.”
I leaned into my seat, willing my body to stop shaking. “Does your husband mind you gaming?”
Fred pulled her head back, as if insulted by the very idea. “Are you kidding me? We met at a Dungeons and Dragons game night. And we built our relationship on late night take-out and Halo campaigns when we were first dating. He knows I’m a born gunner and he’s particularly good at the sneak melee attack. But in the one-on-one battle, he doesn’t stand a chance against me. I think he’s actually pretty proud of that fact.”
I giggled again, which seemed a lot safer than allowing myself to break into tears again. “You’re lucky.”
“Yes.” She nodded firmly. “Yes, I am. But if he were here, he’d tell you he’s the lucky one.”
It was good to see that someone like Fred could be exactly who she was with her person. Maybe, if I’d told Gabriel the truth sooner, he could’ve been that person for me. If he really meant what he said about wishing I was in the tournament, he would’ve cheered me on.
“Now, can we talk about this?” Fred pointed to the few paper shreds I still clutched. Reaching over, she grabbed a few of them. “I’d really like to see you stay in this tournament. It might encourage more girls to get involved.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know... I don’t think that’s a good idea. He’s in the final round.”
“And like I said, if he’s worth all of these tears, he’ll root for you. Just like you’ll root for him.”
Chewing on my bottom lip, I glanced back over at the bulletin boards where Battlescar13 was printed. The very sight of it made my stomach clench. “I don’t know...”
“Then, how about this, Beth.” She slid to the edge of her chair and pinned me with her stare. “Can you honestly tell me that you’re not going to regret dropping out of the final round tomorrow? You believe he already hates you. So how could dropping out of the tournament make it any better? You’ll just be punishing yourself. You deserve this win. For all the gamer girls at Rock Valley who have come before and will come after. You all deserve to be respected. And dropping out disrespects all the hard work you’ve put into this.”
I was going to bite right through my lip. What Fred said made sense. Dropping out wasn’t going to change anything. Not if Gabriel already hated me for lying to him. It was the one thing I might actually still get right.
“I guess so.” I sniffed slightly. “But it’s not going to be easy.”
She patted my knee. “Nothing worth having is ever easy. Believe me, I know that better than anyone. I’ve clawed my way through a male-driven field and found myself bursting through the glass ceiling. And now, I’m in this special position of being able to turn around and give a hand up to the next group of women following in my footsteps. Women like you. It’s not easy to break through that ceiling. You’ll bruise your head. You’ll get a few scrapes. But trust me, the view is worth it on the other side.”
I felt a grin tug at the corners of my mouth. “Well, when you put it that way...”
“It’s all about the view.” She smiled triumphantly. “And about putting your nay-sayers in their place. Even if you don’t win tomorrow, you’ll have made a huge step forward.”
“One small step for Rock Valley girls, one giant leap for woman-kind?”
