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Chapter Sixteen
Rachel found Logan sitting on a rock near the edge of the shore. He had his elbows propped up on his knees, a pained expression on his face, as he stared at the pristine scene in front of him. Her heart constricted and she paused a few feet away, knowing all too well that she was responsible for his hurt. She’d been selfish and let last night go too far. All so that she could have one last beautiful moment with him before she had to say goodbye.
“Can we talk?” she asked in a quiet voice.
Pushing her now dry hair off her face, she took a step closer and wrapped her sweater tighter to her body. Colorado mornings were certainly a lot cooler than San Jose, but she liked the way it always smelled like rain here.
“About how you were planning on leaving me?” he asked, turning his blue gaze toward her. “Or about how you told me you loved me last night?”
She sighed and closed her eyes. “Both.”
“Okay, good. Because frankly, I’m confused.” He set his jaw in a hard line and returned to staring at the water. “An hour ago I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Now, it feels like I’ve been left out in a Colorado snow storm.”
Rachel moved to sit on the rock next to him, their thighs brushing. She sighed again and folded her hands in her lap. “If it makes any difference, last night was the happiest I’ve ever been, too. But it won’t last.”
He ran his tongue over his lips and looked at her. “Why not?”
Her brown eyes opened wide, willing him to understand her. “I’m broken, Logan. Scarred beyond repair. Haven’t you caught on yet? It took me about ten minutes at the gala to destroy everything we had and all because of the drunken whispers of some jealous jerk. A normal girl wouldn’t have fallen for those lies. A normal girl would’ve given you the benefit of the doubt. You deserve someone who would give you the benefit of the doubt. You’re such a wonderful man.”
He squinted at her, his hands curling into tight fists. “And that’s the reason you’re taking your father’s money and moving back to Paris?”
“He wants me to devote myself to something,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “He got me a job, too. I guess it’s his own brand of affection. Maybe, there’s a tiny part inside of him that loves me after all.”
“And is this what you want? To go to Paris?”
She pursed her lips together, considering his question. “I don’t know, but it seems better than finding another dead-end waitressing job. Maybe, I can even finish school online. Who knows where this could take me?”
Logan stared at her for a long while before turning back to the lake.
Two swallows darted past them, locked in a complicated dance, skimming the surface of the water with their feathers. They shot up into the sky and then fell sharply back toward the ground, sending out a piercing cry and turning up just before crash landing into the cold water. Rachel wished for one moment that she and Logan could trade places with those birds. Live a life uncomplicated by human emotions. Soar to unreachable heights, side by side.
It would be a beautiful life.
“You say I deserve a girl who will give me the benefit of the doubt,” Logan said suddenly, turning toward her. She could feel his gaze heavy on the side of her face. “But what about what you deserve? Don’t you deserve a man who understands you? Who will work through those scars with you? Who loves you?”
Her breath caught in her lungs. “Maybe some of us aren’t deserving of anything. Especially love.”
“I call bull.” The fierceness behind Logan’s reply made her blink rapidly. He moved to the ground in front of her, kneeling as he took her cold hands in his. “Rachel Knight, you are worthy of love.”
Despite her reservations, her heart thumped wildly in her chest at the sight of Logan’s eager expression. It was too easy to fall for that boy. Her whole being longed to be wrapped up in his arms without a care in the world.
“You don’t want this mess,” she said, gesturing at herself, tears springing to her eyes. “Trust me. When you find the perfect girl you’re meant to be with, she won’t be carrying a lifetime’s worth of baggage, and you’ll be all the happier for it.”
He cupped her cheeks and swiped at a tear that had made a salty trail down her cheek. There was an earnestness in his eyes. A soft, yet powerful intensity that echoed in his voice.
“Rachel, I’ve found the girl I’m meant to be with.” His eyes narrowed in a gentle expression. “Don’t you get it yet? Love isn’t about finding someone perfect. It’s about finding someone perfect for you. Someone with flaws of their own. I’m certainly not perfect.”
She laughed and shook her head. If she’d learned anything the last few days, it was that Logan Madison was just about near to perfect as a guy could get.
“Come on, you’ve got to believe me.” He grabbed her hands tight. “You’ve already witnessed my obsessive need to fit in. My insecurities. My weakness with...what did you call that car? A metal trap of death? Just wait. There will be plenty more flaws. I promise.”
A small smile tugged at her lips. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from his eager expression. “Promise?”
“Absolutely.” He softly ran the tips of his fingers over her temple and down to her cheek, sending delicious shivers down her back. A grin curled one side of his mouth. “I promise you, Rachel Knight, that I will never, ever, be perfect. I won’t even try. How about that?”
She laughed, feeling her heart rejoice at his promise. Logan wanted all of her, including her flaws and baggage. He’d seen the bad and still loved her. And she had witnessed his own issues. If they could both venture into this relationship with their eyes wide open to the baggage that they each carried, maybe their love really could survive.
But was she being naive? Could she really learn to love Logan in the way that he deserved?
