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“What are you doing, Camilla?” he asked me, twisting around to look at me as I pushed him forward. I didn’t respond to him, looking down the hallway to see if there was anyone, but it was empty.
“We can’t talk here. Follow me.”
Without waiting for his answer, I headed to the end of the hall where we could stay hidden from any potential onlookers. He was right behind me.
“Look, you can’t be in my office and you absolutely can’t kiss me there.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Why not?”
“Why not? Are you serious?”
“Yes. You wanted to kiss me too, so what gives?”
“I can’t believe you! What if someone saw us? Think about this. They would start rumors, and the rumors would eventually reach my boss. And he will be so pissed if he finds out that we’re sleeping together.”
He uncrossed his arms and frowned, not saying a word.
“Don’t you understand how important my job is for me? I can’t risk losing it, and that’s exactly what would happen if the Congressman found out. I would lose everything I have, and I can’t let that happen. Not to mention Carter! Jesus, he’d freak.”
I placed my hand on his shoulder. “I appreciate your help in getting my job, I really do, but we can’t keep seeing each other. I’m sorry, Merritt.”
“So this is it between us?”
“Yes. We’re going to have to cool things off for a while. I…” I glanced away, taking a deep breath, and dropped my hand from his shoulder.
“I feel great being with you. I won’t deny that. And yes, I wanted to kiss you back in my office and do so much more than that, but I can’t let my emotions ruin something I’ve wanted my whole life. I can’t have you and my job at the same time, so I have to make this choice. I hope you can understand this. Please, understand it.”
Something heavy settled in my stomach as I returned his
serious gaze. Now that I had said this, I wished things could be different. Maybe if he hadn’t been a congressman... Maybe if I hadn’t worked here but somewhere else… Maybe if Carter didn’t also work on the Hill…
After a couple of moments, he nodded and smirked. “Yes. I understand. I mean, I’m disappointed because I wanted to ask you to go out with me, but I understand because I’d feel the same. I wouldn’t let my private life destroy my career. So I won’t pressure you.”
Wait. He wanted to ask me to go out with him? Oh lord help me.
My chest was tight with emotions as I tried to figure out what was going on, but the imminent joy from his words dissipated when he backed away.
I was supposed to feel relieved that he wasn’t to make a big deal about this, but I didn’t feel relieved. I felt cold. I felt like I’d made a colossal mistake, which wasn’t fair. This job was important to me. I couldn’t compromise this for Merritt or anyone else.
But why did it have to be so complicated? It was supposed to be just sex and nothing serious. He wasn’t serious about me, right?
“I don’t want to create a problem for you, so I won’t be searching you out again.” He offered me a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“So are we okay?”
“Yeah. We’re fine.” Why didn’t that sound convincing? “You’re smart and hard-working, and I’m sure you’re going to go places, Cami. I wish you all the best. Goodbye.”
Smiling at me in a way that screamed “fake”, he turned around and walked away, and I couldn’t do anything but watch his back as various emotions went through me.
And I realized that he wasn’t okay with this at all. He was actually sad that I wouldn’t go out with him, and the revelation rooted me to my spot.
He cared about me, just like I cared about him.
I headed back to my office, feeling unusually defeated. I couldn’t lie to myself and pretend I was okay with not being able to see him again. I was so close to succumbing to him and his kiss, and a big part of me regretted not doing what my heart obviously wanted.
Was I making the right choice? Choosing my career over him?
I groaned when I entered my office and Megan turned to face me. “There you are. I saw your bag on your desk when I got here, but you were nowhere to be found.” She tilted her head to the side, noticing my distress. “Is everything alright?”
