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“Hard?” McCullers laughed. “Yeah, I bet they have. Carrying around all that guilt can’t be easy.”
“Guilt?” I felt my face flush.
“We all know what really happened that night,” McCullers spat.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I turned away, my head spinning with anger and intoxication. I couldn’t believe McCullers would dare talk about that op.
“Yes, you do,” McCullers said. He grabbed my shoulder and spun me around to face him. He got in my face, spit flying in my eyes as he spoke. “We all know why Young died, Alexander. You should have been there. You were the closest and you let him die. You just let him…”
Fuck him.
When my fist hit his face, I barely knew what happened. I connected with his jaw and his head jerked to the side. I didn’t wait for him to fight back. I tackled him to the ground, knocking a chair over as we went. We landed hard. McCullers rolled us over and pinned me down. He punched me twice before I kicked him off me and threw him to the ground. My foot connected with his stomach and I felt him curl inward. The satisfaction I felt was so great that I kicked him again. And again. Until someone I didn’t know pulled me away from him.
I struggled against the arms that held me, kicking wildly.
“Get out of here!” the bartender yelled. “Both of you!”
I was carried out into the parking lot and thrown onto the ground. It wasn’t long before McCullers was thrown next to me. I scrambled to my feet and immediately put some distance between us. The fight was over. We didn’t need to throw anymore punches.
McCullers glared at me while his buddies patted him on the back and led him away. I watched as they disappeared across the parking lot. I glanced down at my hand and saw that it was bleeding. I cursed and wrapped it tightly in my shirt. When I looked back up, Piper was standing in front of me with a look of fury on her face.
“Piper,” I began. I had almost forgotten about her completely. “I can explain.”
“Save it,” she spat. She stormed past me. I turned and ran after her.
“Stop!” I said. “Please, just listen. You don’t understand.”
“Oh, I understand perfectly, Logan,” she yelled. She turned on me and took a step forward. Her eyes were on fire with rage and alcohol. “This is just who you are! Right when things start to get good again, you screw it up! You start throwing punches in bars! Beating the crap out of random strangers and…”
“He wasn’t random!” I screamed. “You have no idea what you’re talking about!”
“The hell he wasn’t!” she screamed back. “I can’t believe I fell for your crap again!”
“Will you just listen to me?” I begged. “Please. I can explain. I know that guy, okay? We were in the SEALS together. On the same team and…”
“So, you were fighting with someone you served with?!” Piper demanded. “What the hell is wrong with you?! What kind of person have you become?”
“I don’t know!”
I felt my entire body shake. My blood was boiling as I remembered the things McCullers said inside Kellan’s. His words hit me harder than anything ever had. He finally put into words exactly how I’d felt since the night Young died. No one knew how much that night tore me apart. Even my own team members thought I was responsible. I always thought it was my fault, but after my confrontation with McCullers, I knew I was right.
“I’m going home,” Piper announced. She looked at me with disgust and shook her head. “Don’t follow me. Don’t ever speak to me again.”
“Piper!” I called after her as she hurried down the street. I moved to follow her, but my legs weren’t strong enough to hold me. After everything that happened that night, I couldn’t stand for another second. I collapsed on the asphalt and rolled onto my back.
As I stared up at the stars, the world around me spun and my stomach heaved uncomfortably. I rolled over and vomited. When I was done, I laid my head back down and closed my eyes.
“Alexander, you look like shit, man.”
I heard Young’s voice in my head as clearly as if he was laying right beside me. The tears began to flow.
“Get up,” he said. “You’re already pathetic enough without passing out in front of a bar. Just get up.”
“I can’t,” I said out loud. “I can’t do it anymore, Young.”
“You have to,” his voice whispered.
“Why?” I asked. My voice cracked with emotion.
