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“Oh, kind of a lot actually,” Natalie answered with a sigh and then proceeded to tell him all about the things going on with her father. The guy—Joey—listened, riveted and completely enamored with her. I felt my annoyance illogically rising, especially as he reached out and to rub her shoulder, consoling her. He then began to hold her hand, and I envisioned slicing that fucker’s hand clean off his arm.
Get a grip, Colt, I thought to myself. But it was no use. The jealousy I felt couldn’t be contained, and I knew my stare must have been burning a hole in the side of Joey’s face. After a while, he finally noticed me. His eyebrows shot upward, startled. He then leaned in and whispered into Natalie’s ear.
She turned her gaze toward me, and I heard her mutter the word ‘security.’
Joey’s expression relaxed and he gave me a wave that I couldn’t bring myself to return.
Realizing that I probably looked like a complete asshole staring so intently at the two of them, I tried to force myself to read the book tossed haphazardly in my lap. But once again, it was no use. I kept straining my ears, trying to hear their conversation. I kept glancing their way, wondering if he was touching her, and feeling that horrible pang of jealousy every time I heard her giggle at something he said.
I couldn’t have been more relieved when he finally got up to leave. They exchanged phone numbers before giving each other a far too long hug goodbye.
Once he was gone, Natalie sat back down and glanced my way.
Forgetting that I needed to keep my professional distance, I found myself storming up to her table. “Who was that?” I asked, the annoyance clearly detectible in my voice.
Natalie stared at me, her eyebrows raised. “My ex,” she answered after a pause.
“Doesn’t look like he still wants to be your ex,” I said bitterly.
“Well, it’s not like things really ended badly between us. He just transferred to another school and the long-distance relationship was too hard to keep up with. We sort of just fell out of touch rather than officially broke up.”
My heart plummeted. “So…you still like him?”
She shrugged her shoulders. Then she looked me square in the eyes, clearly challenging me. “I don’t know. Why?”
That question was so loaded, I didn’t know where to begin. I wanted to tell her right in that moment how badly I wanted her. I wanted to tell her that no one could protect and provide for her the way that I could. I wanted to tell her that if I got to make love to her for every night for the rest of our lives, it still wouldn’t be enough.
I wanted to tell her that if I couldn’t have her, no one else could.
But I had no right. I had answered her honestly the first night at the safe house. I had no idea what we were if anything. Mostly our relationship was a distraction, to both of us.
I sat before her, my hands clenched in my lap and literally biting my tongue, trying to hold back words that I would never be able to take back if I dared let them out of my mouth.
“Why, Colt?” she asked again. There was no doubt she was challenging me this time, and I had to wonder if she already knew the thoughts going through my head.
As I had far too many times, I thought about the feel and taste of her skin.
“Because,” I said, trying hard to keep my voice steady, “I need to know who I have to keep my eye on. For safety measures.”
She looked away from me. “Joey isn’t dangerous.”
I grumbled. He was the most dangerous person we had encountered, as far as I was concerned. He posed the danger of permanently ruining my chances with Natalie. He posed the danger of making me realize once and for all that if I didn’t officially make my move and let my feelings be known, I would never have a shot…
“What’s wrong? What are you thinking?” Natalie asked.
“Too much,” I said, standing from her table.
She looked up at me and stood as well. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.”
“Fine, well I have some more studying to do.”
“Then I’ll just sit back over there. Watching you.”
“Yes, I guess you will.”
I dropped back into my chair and opened the book I still hadn’t read.
