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“I’m…I’m fine. Thanks for telling me. Do you know anything else?” I asked, hopeful she had heard at least something else.
“No. Just that they heard people talking about it around his office building.”
I nodded. “Okay.” I glanced at my watch. “I have to get going. And I have to talk to Logan about this.” She nodded.
“I’ll walk you out.” We paid the tab and then headed to my car.
“Are you calling him?” She asked me and I simply nodded.
I called him and it rang twice before it ended. I called him four times and didn’t get an answer, maybe it was obsessive but I was freaking out. I stood by my car as I left a voicemail saying it was urgent, and he needs to call me back. I sent a follow up text too.
“No answer?” Sarai asked.
I shook my head, my throat lumpy. I felt cold inside, like I was watching this all from a different view. Watching myself. How could I be so stupid anyway? I knew school was almost over and I had to stay focused so I could do well with the internship.
Should I have sold to them that first day? Then I wouldn’t be around them, and I would have money for a new startup or something to float me until I settled in with a company. Though I knew I always wanted to run my own business. Still, I was regretting getting involved and I felt so torn because I already have feelings for them.
I knew their tells and they knew mine. We…fit. Somehow, and I didn’t want to let it go. I wanted to explore it. But not at the expense of Logan’s career and my reputation.
I went back home and buried myself in a book. I called his assistant and told her I fell ill and would be back Monday. I studied even though I knew the information from the inside out. It was nice to go back to my old days before two men paraded into my life and left me in cahoots.
Sarai came home and we had a nice girls’ night. We watched movies and ate alfredo pasta. I told her how I really felt about the two of them and it was nice to talk it out.
“You don’t feel like you like one more than the other?” She asked me.
I tugged my sweatshirt tighter.
“No. I guess it is a little weird. But when I think about them I get the same level of excited and I kind of never think about them alone, always together. Maybe I am crazy and they are the same person.” I laughed nervously.
I was annoyed and angry at Logan for not calling me back or answering my text. So technically, Jake was higher on the list but still, it affected them both. If a scandal ruined Logan, it would ruin them. So I had to talk to him. I wanted to give him a heads up incase these rumors were strong and could actually do something to him. I did not want to tell him over text because that would be…wrong, in some way.
But he didn’t answer, still.
“Wow. That must be a rush. I wonder what it’s like.”
“It’s insane. Right now it’s frustrating because I don’t know what I want to do. If I leave the internship, he’d only be involved with a student and not both his employee and student. If I break it off with them I don’t know how well I could focus on work. I just feel like I can’t really…have it all.”
“Aw,” she came over to me and hugged me on the couch, “you can. Just, give it two days. Men literally need a day to reread the message and then reply. He probably thinks you have some big news to tell him, like you love him or something.” She laughed, but it was too plausible to ignore.
I stiffened and she felt it. She moved back and tilted her head.
“Wait, you don’t…are you in love with them both?”
My heart was in my throat, and I couldn’t find words. But I knew what I wanted to say. I stared back at my fri
end. My dear friend who was the only thing keeping me together at this time.
“I don’t know. Maybe?”
13
Jake
I beat the bag like it had personally wronged me. I went until my knuckles were numb and I sweat through the wraps. Then I tied a new set and kept going.
I hit the weights pretty hard when I was done. I was in the gym for hours. Frustrated. The market is flux, work is killing me and I hadn’t seen Madeline in a week.
It worried me and confused me because I didn’t know why I was even so worried in the first place. I mean I like her, but I always had a problem separating liking a woman versus liking her body. This was different because I couldn’t separate.
