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“Maybe, but I don’t want to make them uncomfortable. They never said it would be about feelings, so I don’t know how they will take to it.” I said honestly. I wasn’t just afraid of rejection, I was afraid of having misunderstood everything, and getting more involved than they wanted me too.
“You don’t know that for sure. So you should talk to them about it, maybe after the meeting.”
“I am so nervous about that meeting. I don’t think I can bear to think of anything else. Especially not that.”
“Hmm. What will you wear?” she giggled.
“Oh goodness. I can’t even handle that.”
“I can pick something out for you.”
We sat together for a while, and she told me about how things were going at work. I felt bad that I hadn’t really been speaking to her about her life, and only mine. So it was nice to see what was going on. She did get that promotion and with school ending, she could work there full time and work on her designs. She wants to make it big and I am sure she will.
“How do you really feel about them?” She asked me. I gave her a look.
“What?”
She grinned slightly. “I mean, how do you feel about them?”
I sighed as I closed my eyes in thought. I was exhausted. Thinking about those two was exhausting.
“I love them.” I replied quietly. She gasped inwardly. I know it was hard for her to understand, or to get her grasp around it. But it was true.
I never thought I would fall into this situation either. I mean, it sounds crazy. Two men, one woman. It was something you hear or read about, but never expect to happen. To think it happened to me w
as something out of a movie. I loved Logan; his smarts and his geniality; and I loved Jake; with his wit and infectious personality that always surrounded me. I loved them both, and it wasn’t like it splits my heart in two or anything. It just completes it, glues it together and makes it beat faster.
“Wow.” She finally said.
“Yeah. I know it’s a little crazy but…it’s true.”
“The both of them?” she asked, but not in a judging manner or anything.
“Yeah.”
“Equally? Or do you feel more for one than the other?”
I shook my head. “No. I will say that sometimes, I would rather talk to one more than the other about certain things. Logan gives really good business advice and Jake gives good life advice. But I love them both, and I want the three of us together.”
I explained the best way I could. And I knew she couldn’t really understand it fully because it just wasn’t happening to her. These are hard shoes to put yourself in and I don’t expect her to. But she supported me, and didn’t judge me. So that was all I could really ask for.
“Wow. That’s interesting. Weird, but interesting. Do they feel different?” She smirked.
“Yeah,” I giggled, “they feel different.”
“But you don’t like one more than the other?” I asked her.
“No. It’s like having the best of both worlds, you know. Sometimes you want that fullness, other times you want the deepness. So I don’t like one more than the other, I just get both.”
“You bitch.” We laughed together.
“That’s something else, really. Just promise me you will at least try and talk to them. And don’t run out on any more meetings.” She nudged my shoulder playfully.
“I promise. I’ll try.”
I finally fell asleep and woke up feeling somewhat the same. I mean, I was excited about the meeting and ready to turn in my finals. That would be the final stretch, closing the door on college. I read it over again in my pajamas and then printed it out. I showered and dressed in gray dress pants and a salmon blouse that buttoned up. I let my hair down and pinned one side back. It was nice enough for the meeting and casual enough to do the quick drop off.
I didn’t like either of my professors from those courses, so it was more of a leave your shit and go, but I hoped I would get a good grade. Granted, I wouldn’t even know until a few days later. I hated that part; waiting.
