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“I still do. Maybe she’ll answer the phone one day.”
What I couldn’t believe the most was that I opened myself up to this pain again. The heartbreak. I told myself not to get involved with any more women but Emilia forced her way into my heart. I was defenseless, and we didn’t stand a chance.
“I’m sure she will. She just…probably feels bad about blaming you. Because it was not really your fault at all.”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was. I don’t really want to talk about it anymore.” We would be at it all night if I didn’t shut it down now. Her psychoanalysis skills were dangerous, I ended up divulging every dark secret of my life.
“Okay. Well, Kevin has stopped travelling. Maybe one day we can have dinner.”
“I don’t know, I’m real busy with work now. Maybe.” I downed my third beer. For a time, I was getting drunk almost every night. But then I started getting serious with work, and I was getting too old to do that. I did like my liver. So now I just give myself a good enough buzz to let me get some sleep.
I missed her body against mine. Her softness, and her warmth. I would do anything to get it back.
“I understand. Just try to keep your head up, Tristan. It will get better.”
“Thanks Nat. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay, bye.”
My sister, she was kind of the best. Sometimes. I knew I don’t know what I would do without her. I couldn’t talk to mom about it because she wouldn’t really understand. Her and dad didn’t jump through any hoops to be together.
I kept willing my phone to ring. For Emilia to text me. Anything.
But like every night since Emilia left me in that room, it never did.
Chapt
er Thirty: Emilia
I wanted to call or text him every day.
I should never have said those things to him at the wedding. It wasn’t his fault I wanted to be with him. I still do.
I loved him so much it killed me so much more every day. And I think that’s why I couldn’t talk to him. I don’t deserve him. I blamed him when he didn’t even do anything wrong. I blamed him for loving me and after all he has been through, he definitely didn’t deserve that.
I buried myself in work and sometimes that made it worse.
I had referral sheets for every new client, to see where my marketing was going well, and they have all said Tristan Cox under family and friends. He was sending me so many clients, I had the upfront to get a new space and cater to the new clients, all because of him.
My shop was bigger, and while I still grew a lot of the flowers myself, I started outsourcing.
Ivy helped me a lot. She even quit her job to go into marketing and advertising, and I helped boost her resume by having her work for me.
She still loved fashion, but she loved the brains behind making it work even more. She wants to run her own runway shows one day. For now, she organizes everything but the flowers. I would welcome the distraction, but every time I look at a check book I think of Tristan and I burst into tears.
I had been crying a lot, I should have been out of tears by now. But I still cried myself to sleep every night. I’d wake up with swollen eyes and cry through breakfast because I see all of his missed calls. He hadn’t stopped calling.
When I answered that weird number, I heard his voice and freaked out. I couldn’t talk to him because I felt stupid.
I was stupid to think I could have him. I come home every night, saying we could be having dinner together. We could be sleeping in the same bed now, we could be having breakfast, fighting over the shower and then end up sharing before going off to work. Texting each other and falling more and more in love every day. I was stupid and I couldn’t face him.
So, I distracted myself with work and the business got bigger than I could have ever imagined, for that I was happy. I wanted to make my mother proud. I wanted to beg for Tristan’s forgiveness, but he was such a good man, I know he isn’t even angry. But he should be.
He never even left any angry voice mails.
Emilia, I just want to talk to you. Please call me back.
I want to know that you are doing okay. How are you? Call me back.
