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“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You’re upset,” he said with a matter-of-fact tone. “What happened? Did Logan do something?”
“No,” I shook my head. “I just… I let myself believe in the fairytale. I was wrong.”
“If you need to talk,” he said softly.
“Thanks,” I waved sadly and made my back to the car.
After driving around town aimlessly for almost an hour, I decided to just go back to my parents’ place and rest for a while. My body hadn’t recovered from the previous night and I knew I would need my energy to play with Lili later.
When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, I felt my stomach sink. Logan was sitting on the front steps with his head in his hands. I didn’t know how long he’d been waiting, but I knew my parents were gone for the day. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to turn around and drive all the way back to New York.
“What do you want?” I asked when I got out of the car. Logan jumped to his feet and walked over to me. We stood facing each other in the front yard. I crossed my arms and waited for his answer.
“I need to talk to you,” he said weakly. His eyes were red. He looked terrible.
“I don’t have anything to say to you, Logan.”
“Then just listen,” he begged. “Please.”
I didn’t agree, but I didn’t tell him to leave. I stood silently with my arms crossed and waited impatiently for him to say whatever it was he so badly needed to say.
“Last night,” he began. “That fight was… it was complicated.”
“Complicated?” I snapped. “Yeah. Okay.”
“It was,” he insisted. I could tell he was trying to stay calm. “That guy, McCullers, and I were on the same SEAL team. Me, him, Young, and Hansen. We did over a hundred ops together. We were seamless. We could move without thinking, communicate without speaking. We were brothers. More than brothers. It’s hard to explain, but we were connected in a really intense way.”
Logan took a breath and closed his eyes. For the first time, I noticed that his hands were shaking. My instincts told me to step forward and touch him, but I forced myself to fight the urge. I was still angry about everything.
“We were on an op,” he said slowly. “I can’t get into the specifics. I’m duty bound to stay silent about it, but that night… things went wrong. We were all separated which is never ideal, but it was essential for the mission. I heard gunshots. I ran as fast as I could, but I was too late. By the time we found Young… he was already half dead. We couldn’t save him.”
I sucked in a breath and listened more intently. All my anger disappeared.
“Last night,” he continued. “McCullers was drunk. We both were. He said some stuff he shouldn’t have. He blamed me for what happened to Young, which is something I’ve been doing every day for the past four months. But, when McCullers said it, I just lost it. I didn’t even know what I was doing until it was over. I shouldn’t have hit him, I know that. Piper, I’m sorry you had to see that. That’s not something I ever wanted you to witness. I’m not that person. I’m not the kind of guy who gets in random bar fights. I was just…”
“Angry,” I said softly.
“Guilty,” he corrected. “I can’t shake the thought that I should have done more. If I had moved faster, ran harder, then maybe I could have saved him. I should have saved him.”
“It’s not your fault,” I said immediately. I took a step closer to him and touched his shoulder gently. “You did everything you could, Logan. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I feel like it is,” he said weakly. “I’m trying to move past it, but it’s hard. Hearing McCullers blame me like that…”
“He didn’t mean it,” I said quickly. “There’s no way he meant it. He was just drunk and sad. I’m sure he’s struggling with everything just like you are.”
“I know he is,” Logan nodded. “But hearing him say that turned me into a different person. I became my worst nightmare. I never want to feel that way again.”
“I know,” I said. I watched Logan’s face and saw his eyes fill with tears. He hung his head and I immediately pulled him in for a hug. I held him tightly, wishing I could take away every ounce of pain he felt.
“Piper,” Logan said. He pushed me away gently so he could look in my eyes. “I came here to explain myself, to tell you what happened last night, but that’s not all. There’s something I wanted to say too.”
“What is it?” I asked. The look on Logan’s face made my stomach flip nervously. He was staring at me with so much emotion that it threatened to overwhelm me.
“I have to get out of here,” he said. “This town. This place. I need to leave. I can’t explain it, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to, but I feel like I’m drowning here. Ever since I came back, I’ve been telling myself that it’s for the best. I thought it would help me heal, but it’s just done the opposite. I think what I need to do, is leave.”
I nodded and said, “I can understand that. I’ve felt that way before.”
