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p; “Oh. Okay.” I sighed. I really wanted to finish her house. I wanted it to be perfect, the way she would like it. I didn’t want to fail her again.
“I know it is a tough decision, and I don’t need an answer right now. Just call me back tomorrow morning and we’ll come up with a plan,” he said kindly. He was kind. I didn’t feel pushed around by him at all. I knew he was just trying to do his job; I just wished I had known things could turn this way in the beginning.
“Okay. Thank you.”
“No problem. And of course if you have any questions don’t hesitate to call. I know how hard this process can be and I want to make things as easy on you as I can. I wish I had known about this sooner, I could have helped you more.”
“That’s okay. I know you did your best.” I assured him.
“Thank you. Call me tomorrow, okay?”
“I will. Thanks.”
“No problem. Talk soon.”
“Yeah.”
I hung up and collapsed against the bed post. I tossed my phone aside, kicked off my shoes, and climbed into bed. I didn’t care that it was the middle of the day. I had to turn everything off; I had to turn life off and just wallow in my own head.
I felt like I had just pulled myself out of this funk and now I was back again. One of the jobs I applied for had emailed me back for more information and a supplementary application. It was a step forward. But now it was like I hopped back to the very beginning when everything was shit.
Not even the thought of Tate or Levi helped me feel better. It only made me feel worse because I wished I could talk to them, but I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t know how to tell them all of this and I didn’t know if I even wanted to. This was my drama, my mess that I had to clean up. And now it affected their business too.
How the hell could I tell them I didn’t know if I could finish paying their company for their work? Even if I did decide to press forward with the project, where would the rest come from to finish it off? I barely had savings and every day in this hotel was taking more out of it. There wasn’t enough time left on the project for me to work and make up the costs.
I used to bartend at parties at night, and could make a few grand at once if I did big events. But that was so long ago I didn’t even know if I had those contacts. I racked my brain trying to figure out where I would get the money from. I could sell stuff, a lot of stuff. Who needed furniture?
I realized it wasn’t a decision I could make on my own. But I was too embarrassed to reach out for help. I knew the professional thing to do would be to call them both and explain my situation, feelings aside. But I didn’t want to mess things up. I wasn’t happy with how I left them in that café, especially after they cut their day short to be with me.
God, I was such a fuck up. I was treating them like they didn’t matter, and it was wrong of me. I took out my phone and decided to text them.
I’m sorry for leaving like that. I just have a lot going on right now.
I figured that was good enough. I wished I could say more but it wouldn’t have been appropriate over text. I told myself that when I felt better, I would call them and try to explain things. Or meet up with them. I didn’t know. I just wanted to stay in that bed for a little while longer and ignore the world.
21
Adley
I got up and washed my face and changed into my lounge clothes. I still had that dreadful feeling inside. I knew the house had to be finished, it wouldn’t even be safe to live in if it wasn’t finished. I just didn’t know how I would do it.
I checked my phone and there were no messages. I was disappointed, but I wasn’t really surprised. I deserved it after what I did to them.
I made tea but it had no taste. The show on the television barely registered in my head. It seemed life was just going on around me and I was feeling none of it. There wasn’t anything I could do about it except come clean and let things fall where they may. But I couldn’t even bring myself to go and see them, or ask them to come here.
I felt a lot of things. Ashamed, confused. Worried that I had made the wrong choice, mostly. To leave them in the dark and hope they came back to me. I knew that in time, that if they did, I would never let them go again.
When there was a heavy knock on my door I told myself I was just being crazy, it couldn’t be them. I answered the door and it was. They had the same things on as before; Levi in a white polo and Tate in a blue one. Their jeans were faded and fitted.
“Tate. Levi. I didn’t expect you guys to come here.” I let them in and locked the door. Taking a deep breath, I turned to face them.
“What’s going on?” Levi asked first.
I sat on the edge of the bed and stared up at them both. They glanced at each other and then sat on the chairs by the table. They were only a few feet away, but they were still so imposing. Their scent had already permeated the room and surrounded me.
“I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. It’s just…there has just been a lot going on.” I started.
Tate nodded. “We know. Your grandmother passed away,” he said.
