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My eyes fluttered open as the birds chirping woke me from my slumber. Travis’s strong arms were around me, pulling me into the breadth of his chest. I rolled over and pressed a small kiss to his shoulder, my leg snaking between his. I could feel his massive girth rubbing against my thigh, and it sparked that telltale heat between my legs again.
I felt like a woman when I was with him. I felt like a woman who had my life under control. I felt compelled to make my own decisions and stand up for myself. To speak my mind and have my own opinions. It was a feeling I had never experienced before and I was thankful to him for it. I was thankful for the getaway he had become during this season of my life. Especially while I fought so intensely with my father.
But there was a part of me that wanted more. There was a part of me that didn’t want to give this up. That wasn’t willing to resign to the fact that this was just a temporary thing at another junction of my life.
As I laid there, my eyes dancing along his sleeping face, I wondered how he felt about all this. Was this just a fling for him? Did he just want to give the virgin a run for her money? Maybe this was nothing for him. Maybe I was simply another encounter for him while my life was out of control. Maybe once I left today, I would never see him again.
The thought brought tears to my eyes as he began to move and awaken.
“Ava?” Travis asked. “Is everything okay?”
I sniffled and nodded my head, trying to turn away from him.
“No, no. Something’s wrong. Talk to me,” he said.
I shook my head, resigning myself to the silence I had become so familiar with as his arms pulled me closer.
“You need to talk to me. Losing your virginity is an emotional thing. I’m here for you,” he said.
“That’s the point.”
“What’s the point?”
“How long are you going to be here for me?”
I turned my head toward him and his eyes settle onto mine. He was such a beautiful man, with his long hair, thick beard, and translucent amber eyes. He had these high cheekbones I could cut glass on and a jawline I could sharpen a sword with. There wasn’t a thing about him that wasn’t breathtaking, and it only served to make this conversation harder.
“I don’t know,” Travis said.
“At least your answer was honest,” I said flatly.
“I don’t know what you want me to say. Where is this coming from?” he asked.
“Is this just a fling? Or is this something more?” I asked.
My eyes connected with his, but he didn’t give me an answer. All he did was rake his eyes up and down my body like he had last night. I pulled the covers up over myself and sat on the edge of his bed, my mind swirling with all sorts of thoughts. This was just a fling for him. I could see it in his eyes. Maybe it had been a new experience, taking someone’s virginity. But this was serious for me, and he needed to know that.
I felt a connection with him. A connection I’d never had with anyone else in my life. I felt free with him. Happy with him. I didn’t feel leashed or controlled or relegated to a particular belief or train of thought. He asked me about things. He wanted to know what I thought about things. He wanted me to voice what was going on in my life.
He seemed like he genuinely wanted to know.
“I don’t know what you want me to say,” Travis said.
“Don’t worry. I won’t tell you what you should say. I’ve done that my entire life. It isn’t fun.”
I slid from the edge of the bed, taking the comforter with me. Travis called after me as I stepped into the hallway. I needed to get my clothes back on. I needed to put up some sort of barrier between Travis and I again. I had become too vulnerable to quickly and it was going to break my heart if I had to lay there and listen to anymore of his non-committal answers.
I dropped the comforter in the middle of the floor and put my clothes on as my purse began to vibrate.
“Can we talk about this?” Travis asked.
I draped my dress over my body as I walked toward my stuff.
“We just did,” I said.
“No, we didn’t. You asked me a question I didn’t expect before I’d even woken up. That isn’t a conversation,” he said.
“Hold on,” I said. “Hello?”
