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"Ms. Cauthfield, I apologize for not having quite the vastness of memory to commit to my everyday thoughts each one of the ill-advised attempts you make to socialize me back into a world with which I have no interest of engaging," Lord Beckham dismissed, disgruntled, as he walked to the windows, the sunlight blurring his vision for a brief moment. The bright gleam of fresh, tall grass growing wild along the forested fringes of the Berrewithe Estate nearly blinded him - and with each balmly glint of morning dew that met his eyes, he recoiled as the sound of distant storms replayed that sullen day in his head, over and over again, reinforcing that he ought to stay right where he was - locked away, unworthy and unwanted, in the rotting depths of Berrewithe.
"But this particular event, with which you have so stubbornly refused to engage, is a particularly important one, one I would have quite expected you to commit to memory," Ms. Cauthfield chastised in a playful sing-song as she fastidiously collected dirtied linens from the master's bed.
"I'm certain that you've said just that about every particular event you've attempted to coax me in to paying attention to, Ms. Cauthfield, so once again you'll need to narrow the field for me," Lord Beckham grunted acerbically.
"By particularly important, I meant particularly particularly important, m'lord," Ms. Cauthfield insisted, once again inspiring the eye-rolling ire of her master. "You certainly recall the Lord Hiram Perrywise, don't you?" she asked cheerily, placing the linens in a wicker basket she'd brought up with her. Her habit of combing over the master bedroom so attentively made Lord Beckham anxious, and she knew that quite well; Ms. Cauthfield often used just that anxiousness to coax him, as she couldn't count the number of times she'd heard him say 'I'll do whatever it is you wish, so long as you stop toying with the bedsheets.' It was the only way she could get him to agree to anything, of late.
"I recall that the Lord Hiram Perrywise is a rather unsufferable man with a penchant for flaunting each and every inconsequential event in his life via numerous crowded dinner parties held at his unflatteringly gaudy estate. Is that the Lord Hiram Perrywise you're speaking of, Ms. Cauthfield?" Lord Beckham asked with a sardonic grin on his stubble-laden expression. "That one?" he repeated playfully. "Certainly one of my favorite lords in all of northern England."
"You've made a habit of judging any man unworthy of your attention, Lord Beckham," Ms. Cauthfield exclaimed bitterly, "without giving them so much as a chance at earning your respect." Something about that stung deep, like the burning bite of a gnat. Perhaps in her statement he saw a harshness reflected in his own past - he had become quite a harsh adjutant of character, but it felt fair - as he applied those same standards to himself. He had long before judged his own character as unworthy of capturing the attention of fawning aristocracy - and, perhaps most painfully and damningly, the attention of a worthy, beautiful woman. Her statement cut at his core and he turned from her, consigning his sight to the sun - upon which storm clouds had begun to encroach. No day, it seemed, could pass without the darkness of a consuming storm.
"Lord Perrywise is an obnoxious and conceited man, Ms. Cauthfield, and I'm not certain why you'd consider any manner of meeting with him to be one of special importance," Lord Beckham spoke coldly, watching as swabs of gray stretched across the dying sunlight, a distant boom of thunder rattling through the moors. He watched tiny pinpoints of people across the distant farmlands scatter towards the barns and huts dotting verdant fields of swaying grains, the storm warding off hard workers. People felt so insignificant from Lord Beckham's window, the distance between he and the world outside just as great as the oceans spanning the breadth of the world.
"Lord Perrywise is of little consequence to me, m'lord. However,
you are of consequence, a great amount of consequence," Ms. Cauthfield implored, her voice a little shaky. "I've given you the speech plenty of times, m'lord. I... don't think I need to rehash the worry brewing in my breast over the self-flagellation you've endured since the day at the Moors. You can't lament that loss forever, and you have so much to give to the world, if you'll understand my meaning, m'lord," Ms. Cauthfield whispered. "I know you're a fully-grown man, a man of purpose and power. I respect who you've become, m'lord, and I'm proud to have seen you through it over all the years I've served the Beckham family. I'm ... simply, worried," Ms. Cauthfield confessed. "There's always a second breath to take of life, m'lord. I know... how you felt, about Anna Brigham, but—"
"Please, Ms. Cauthfield, don't say her name," Lord Beckham pleaded, a pained expression crossing his face. "I understand... I appreciate, your concerns for me."
"Then perhaps you'd appreciate honoring my one request. Yes, I know Lord Perrywise isn't exactly the most enrapturing of hosts, but you know the rather broad crowd that his dinner parties draw. You're bound to find at least one person interested in the matters at Berrewithe - and in you, m'lord," Ms. Cauthfield implored, taking the wicker basket up, filled to its top with soiled linens. She stood, and she waited - hoping for a response, any sort of response. His eyes set on the rolling moors, Lord Beckham's ears caught the distant roar of thunder... and he saw it; rain cascading across the far-off fields, coating rolling greens with sullen memories. His eyes closed, he saw it again; Ms. Cauthfield's voice fell to a fragile, reverberating murmur. She'd worried about him. He knew she worried... but he worried, all the same. He had a great many worries - and that world, the world of fawning words and backstabbing and lies and vexed thoughts - was one that brought him the pain he wrestled with every day; every night. Any trip beyond the walls of Berrewithe Manor could hold the chance of seeing her face - of hearing her words, and of a fresh new realization just how little he fit here, or anywhere. Just how little he was worth.
Ms. Cauthfield stood and watched his silence; she watched for a long, painful moment. With a quiet sigh, she turned to the door; she had expected his outcome. The storm rumbled louder and Ms. Cauthfield, disappointed, pressed through the threshold.
"Ms. Cauthfield," his voice suddenly rang, snapping the old woman's attention back to her master. With a deep breath, his shoulders shaking, the Duke of Berrewithe, by some miracle, had come to a rather unusual decision. "...Have my carriage prepared for this evening. I suppose I ought to see what manner of ostentatious celebration Lord Perrywise has prepared, shouldn't I?" he asked rhetorically. Ms. Cauthfield's face held back from lighting up too brightly, but she was certainly pleased to hear him.
"I'll have it arranged," she responded happily.
CHAPTER FIVE
"C'mon, m'lady, you'll try to have a little fun once we get there, eh?"
"Try is the operative word in that request, Egan," Lady Havenshire sighed, watching the trees sway. A storm had passed loudly and violently through northern England earlier in the afternoon; the leftover breezes carried dewy bulbs and moistened splashes through the air as the sun fell below the horizon, the furthest corner of the sky a fading yellow-orange as bluish moonlight began to claim the dampened moors.
"Come now, m'lady. You know as well as I how comical these dinner parties of Lord Perrywise's can be," Egan chortled; with the last few orange beams creeping over the horizon as night set in along the moors, she heard hoof clops; chatter, laughter. A glance out the window of her father's luxurious carriage brought to her the distant sight of Lord Perrywise's conspicuously ostentatious manor, with an array of similarly ridiculous-looking social climbers and hangers-on gathered in bright lights and bawdy gowns at the monumental twin-doors offering entry to any who dared expose themselves to the mess of Parisian pastels and blinding gossamer blues that Lord Perrywise seemed so gleeful to share.
"Why do you think he holds such outrageous parties, at so outrageous an estate, Egan?" Lady Havenshire queried, tapping her chin curiously, a smirk on her face.
"After he lost his wife, may she rest in peace," Egan nodded, "Lord Perrywise... well, he took quite a curious detour in terms of personality. Perhaps the madness of loneliness clung too tight to his mind, but after that long period stuffed into his mansion with only maidservants to keep him company... suffice it to say, he's been this curious manner of fellow ever since. At least you'll have a constant source of those heady chortles you enjoy, hmm, m'lady?" Egan joked boisterously, his cheeks lit up brightly. Lady Havenshire sighed in grudging admission; one of those few things that had always brought the little Nadia of the past joy was seeing what absurd outfits and manner of speech Lord Perrywise would adopt each time he came calling on the Havenshires' doorstep.
"Such frivolities can only catch my attention and occupy me for so long, Egan," she lamented, imagining the rest of the night would consist of rather dull chatter about matters of the empire and other such nonsense that held little interest for Nadia. "Besides, you're forgetting, once that initial burst of laughter dies away, Lord Perrywise manages to make himself so insufferable."
"Well... worry not, Lady Havenshire, for I'm certain your night will be alight with entertaining conversation," Egan said, wary sarcasm thick in his voice as he spun the carriage roundabout the roadway, the light of the manor and the light chatter of partygoers filling the air.
"Have you spotted another insufferable memory of ours, Egan?" Lady Havenshire asked jokingly; Egan looked through his little window to Nadia, frowning.
"Your favorite memory, perhaps. Make certain you invoke no treasured social faux pas tonight, Lady Havenshire," Egan implored. Nadia's heart sunk, and she immediately knew which insufferable socialite would be 'entertaining' the ballroom tonight.
"You don't mean..." Lady Havenshire sighed. The door to her carriage flung open, the high-pitch squeal of delight nearly deafened poor Nadia, who winced away from the lantern-light and the gossamer glow of the manor's illuminated windows, pouring into the small carriage like a flood.
"Lady Havenshire! Nadia, my darling, it's been so very long! Your father told me he'd sent for you, my—I recognized his carriage and I knew he had to have sent you to see us all! M'lady, you're looking wonderful!" she spoke, her words flowing an overwhelming mile every minute. Nadia had rested in the carriage's silence, with only the rhythmic hoof-clops to bother her, for too long; to be so suddenly overwhelmed with a familiar old woman's erupting tone snapped Nadia from her dreams of freedom back to the gilded cage she'd returned to England to suffer in.
"Yes, hello, it's... good, to see you, Lady Henrietta," Nadia responded, woefully sarcastic. Either the gray-haired woman in the sky-blue gown didn't notice, or didn't mind the young woman's impudence; instead, she took Nadia's wrist and jerked her from the carriage, loudly and proudly introducing the prideful heiress to the gathered assortment of pale-white dresses, spotless breeches and curious, clean-shaven expressions.
"Everyone, everyone, please! I'd like to present to everyone the fabulous, the esteemed, world-traveled daughter of our dearest friend, Lord Havenshire, who due to ill health is unable to join us this evening - the beautiful, the alluring, my sweetest god-daughter, Lady Nadia Havenshire!" the old woman tugged Nadia forward, showing off a woman who shrunk away from all the attention. A light round of applause filled the air and Nadia forced a small smile. Lady Henrietta had been a long-time friend of her father; though, worse than anything, she had proudly held the impromptu title of rumormonger of all the northern English nobility. She proved with exceptional skill the ability to embarrass and expose immediately; Nadia had looked forward to an evening of hiding in the corner, enduring boring conversation, and sneaking through the front door as quickly as possible to flag down Egan and escape. Instead she'd now been made a feature, a highlight of the night; Lady Henrietta had even revealed the nature of her father, which was certain to attract the wandering eyes of vulturous men looking to add another name and title on to their estates by prey
ing on the dying wishes of her distraught father. The crowd looked expectantly on Nadia, who offered only an anxious smile, before realizing the gathered assembly expected some manner of speech. Instead, she simply curtsied, bowing her head until the chatter resumed and she felt those eyes wander away.
"Certainly, certainly, the entrance of the year! Darling, you're going to make more waves than your father ever would have expected, little Nadia," Lady Henrietta rambled, pulling Nadia by the wrist. "Now, I've spoken to your father, and he's quite excited about everything tonight, thinking it will be a wondrous evening for you—"
