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“When were you gonna tell me, huh?” Matt shouted. I knew exactly what he was talking about then, but I let him spill it. “Your scummy mother—”
I put my hands up and he hit one of them down with a weak fist before he started to look self-conscious and stopped trying to fight me. Glancing behind, I saw Luc and Mic looking pretty amused by this scene, and Ash rolling her eyes like she just wanted these things to stop happening on her watch. Callie and Carlene had barely noticed, of course. Probably talking about fucking dresses again. “Look, the decisions she’s made in her life have nothing to do with me, man.”
“And the man my dad is—or, you know, isn’t—has nothing to do with me either, but that hasn’t stopped you from making it my problem all these years, has it?” Matt’s fists were up again. “All this time you’ve been screwing with me, making me do—”
I cuffed him around the back of the head and dragged him away from my group. This was getting to be something for the two of us only.
“What do you want?” I asked him, as soon as we had enough distance to be properly alone. “Would you like me to turn back time, make it so none of this ever happened? So we can just go back to being who we were to one another before the bullshit hit the fan? Because that’s not happening, Matt. For better or worse, this is what we’ve got.”
Matt gave me a shove. “Fuck off with the lecture, Axel. You’re the one who’s been giving me shit for something I never even did!”
And he was right, wasn’t he? That was what had really burned about Aileen’s reaction to my recording her. It was all very well defending myself against the rest of the arseholes out there, but she knew she hadn’t done anything wrong yet to earn it, and I didn’t really believe I had any reason to suspect she was about to. I’d just done it. If I wouldn’t stop myself then, when would I stop myself?
Matt was practically on fire now. “And I never wanted you to go back to being my friend like when we were kids, I never asked for that. I think we’ve gone in way too different directions now. But I would have liked for you to treat me like a human. Like the minimum anyone on this planet deserves. The problem is I don’t think you have that in you. Because someone who had the slightest care for other human beings wouldn’t have intimidated and manipulated me the way you did, using me just because I trusted you once… and, you know what? I don’t care any more what you have to threaten me with. I thought I did, but what does my reputation matter really? I’ve got money and the ability to go wherever the hell I want after school’s done, so give me the worst you’ve got. Smack me with it the way you did Aileen; if she can get through it then I can do the same.”
“You’ve really got it going for Aileen,” was all I could think of to say.
Matt’s look was as filthy as if I’d bent her over and started flogging her arse in front of him. “Not like that, Axel. I actually care about her as a human being, I think we’re starting to become friends. It’s nice to have someone who wants to rely on you, even when you’ve done things that mean you don’t really deserve it.”
That stopped me in my tracks. Having her trust without deserving it… that sounded like me all over. I thought about how she’d given herself to me, as much as she was able, and I felt like I needed some time to be alone.
That was gone now, of course. She was never going to trust me again.
“Of course I’ve got no idea wh
at the hell you want from her,” Matt added, seeming to anticipate my thoughts in a way I hated, with friends. Aileen had sometimes managed to do that exact same thing. “But she deserves so much better than you’re willing to offer. That’s all I’m saying. And from now on… I don’t care what you think you’re going to do to me, I’m going to fight on her side.”
It was weird to hear him talk like that, because I had no intention of doing anything else to Matt. But he knew me too well now, better than Aileen for sure. He had no reason to expect anything different.
“You do what you’ve got to do,” I said, and he nodded as he backed away.
I turned helplessly back to Luc and Mic—and apparently Callie, who was hiding behind Lucas. Maybe she felt like she had to audit this because her friend was involved.
“Keeping that girl perfectly in line I see.” Mic was really loving this, me at a disadvantage. Luc and Steve were probably having the time of their lives too. I was only realising now just how much of a front I’d managed to put up for everyone in my life, because I’d let Aileen slip behind it just enough to remember what it was like. When had the last time been for anyone, though? I guess I’d been close with Mum when I was younger, she was the sort of person who managed to get that kind of relationship out of everyone she encountered.
And that had turned out so well for Dad and I. But did I really believe Aileen was going to turn out the same?
The thing with Mum was, she’d never been so shocked about the way things were in our world of money and enterprise, compared to Aileen. She’d grown up in the same sort of family she’d helped construct for me. I remembered her laughing once as she told me, that’s just how these men are, sweetheart. She’d done what she did, because as a woman in our world that was the way to get ahead.
The thing was, if I wanted Aileen to turn out just like my mother, wasn’t the best thing to do to turn on her before she ever did anything wrong, to make her feel like she needed to be ready for an assault at all times?
Honestly, it made me sick thinking about maybe being the reason for Aileen going that way. It made me sick to think about how she’d helped me to take the first steps into my successful adult life and then I’d been the one to screw her. I should have been reaching out to her, suggesting we become partners in this enterprise.
Maybe I didn’t have it in me to willingly work with a woman like that. Not when I knew that being close to her professionally would inevitably lead to wanting to be close in other ways. It would be my parents’ relationship in reverse…
And reverse was exactly the way you’d want it, come to think of it.
There I was in front of the guys with my mind going, and not a damn thing to say. “What have you done to Aileen?” Callie demanded.
I didn’t feel like covering up the grimy details at the moment. “I recorded her at a moment when she… didn’t expect to be recorded, let’s just say. She was pissed when she found out.”
“So how is that worse than spreading her everything all over the damn place already?” demanded Mic, who clearly hadn’t been in on the slow-moving rumours about that picture being fake.
“It’s pretty dirty if she’s just out with you looking to have a nice time,” Lucas said. He was tense, and Callie could hardly look at him. There was a story there for sure, but for once I didn’t want to uncover it. What the fuck did I think any of them were going to do to me, to need to dig into their secrets?
“What’s Ax fucking done?” said Steven, strolling up all sweaty from ball time with his other dumb mates.
“He’s been recording Aileen without permission,” Lucas reported.
