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He rubbed his hand and over the back of his head.
“Except, we found out we’d left two men behind.” He turned toward her, his face gray. “You don’t leave men behind, Addison. Not even the dead—and certainly not ones who are still alive. So it was a no-brainer. We had to go back. I knew it. My crew knew it. We were all agreed.”
“Couldn’t another Blackhawk have gone in?”
“There was no other Blackhawk. We were it.” His voice became a low growl. “We needed to go back. But the son-of-a-bitch colonel in charge wouldn’t give the order.”
The dying sun had painted stripes of scarlet over Jake’s cheeks, turning him into a warrior from an earlier time.
“He must have had his reasons,” Addison said. “Maybe—maybe he didn’t want to risk more lives….”
“He didn’t give a flying fig about lives. He was a congressman’s son.” Jake slammed his fist against the window frame; it shuddered beneath the blow. “Some kind of mix-up a couple of days before had dumped him on us instead of putting him behind the desk that was waiting for him.”
“So he had no experience.”
“He had no balls. His old man was one of the loudest voices demanding what he called fiscal responsibility. And Blackhawks cost a fortune, maybe six, seven million bucks. This bastard was scared stiff of Daddy. So he sat on his political ass and played with himself while time began running out.”
The first time Addison had heard about Jake, that he was some kind of hero, she wouldn’t have been able to figure out how the story ended.
Now, she’d shared his thoughts, his life, his bed.
She knew what came next.
“You went back anyway,” she said.
“I argued with him. I screamed at him. Finally, I got him alone and swore I’d kill him if he didn’t give the order.” He flashed a cold smile. “And he knew I’d do it.”
“So he gave the order.”
“Yes. But we’d lost too much precious time. They’d already—already dealt with the men we’d hoped to save. They were dead—we could see their mutilated bodies as I brought us in. And they’d brought in heavier weapons.”
“Oh, God, Jacob …”
“They blew us apart. Killed my crew. And I—I killed them. Every last mothering one …”
His voice broke. Addison stepped in front of him.
“How can you blame yourself? It wasn’t your fault. You did everything you could. You did more.”
“I should have ignored my orders,” he said bitterly.
“But you did ignore them. You forced your commanding officer to take action.”
“Too late. All of it was too late. They gave me a promotion I didn’t want and a medal I didn’t deserve.”
“And him? The colonel??”
Jake gave a bitter laugh.
“He got a medal, too. And a promotion. To the Pentagon. Now his face is all over the media, and when they tell him what a hero he is, he looks modest and makes sure the camera gets him at his best angle.”
Addison took her lover’s hands in hers.
“My father would have been proud to shake your hand,” she said softly. “He’d have been as proud to know you as I am.”
Jake made a strangled sound. Then he reached for her and wrapped her in his arms.
How had he gotten so lucky?
