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I liked the idea of having friends. Even if my friends were popular, rich assholes that ruled Blackwoods.
It still felt good.
“So this thing between you two, it’s real?” Jarrod eyed me as Des and Addler walked off, pushing each other and still laughing at my expense.
I shrugged, avoiding his gaze. “You know Calvin.”
“I thought I did.” Jarrod’s voice hardened. “He didn’t ask me about this.”
“Was he supposed to? You’re not my father, last time I checked.”
“No, but I’m practically your brother. He should’ve said something.”
“Oh, god, stop it,” Cora said, shoving Jarrod gently. “You don’t own her. She can do whatever she wants, and Calvin’s well within his rights to do whatever he wants, too.”
“Still should’ve asked.” He looked away, glaring into the distance. “I would’ve told him to fuck off and leave you alone.”
I let out an exasperated breath. “I don’t know how to take that. Are you trying to be nice or are you being your usual dickish self?”
“I think what he’s trying to say is congratulations, and he hopes you’re happy. Right, Jarrod?” Cora elbowed him in the side.
He grunted and gave me a forced, fake smile. “What she said.”
I rolled my eyes. “You two are the worst.”
“We’re just concerned, okay?” Cora glanced up at her boyfriend. “I think you’re in over your head.”
“A business arrangement,” Jarrod said. “He wants to turn marriage into a business arrangement.”
“I don’t think either of you have a leg to stand on here, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” The good-natured teasing had turned dark, and my smile faded. “And you weren’t supposed to tell anyone the truth about this whole thing.”
Cora had the good sense to look sheepish. “I couldn’t keep it from him.”
“He’s exactly who I wanted you to keep it from.” I stopped walking and threw up my hands. “Why does everyone think they know better?”
“Because I know Calvin, and he’s not good for you.”
“Then you don’t know him at all. Calvin’s complicated, but he’s not some insane, evil monster.” I didn’t know why I felt compelled to defend him. Maybe it was to justify my choices.
But deep down, I knew it wasn’t that.
I’d learned a lot about Calvin. I’d seen past his walls and burrowed down into the darkest parts of his life. The letters gave me a glimpse into the childhood that shaped him, and my time as his fake fiancée and current wife showed me the man he wanted to become. Calvin was pulled in all directions, between his own wants and desires, and the needs and wants of his father, his mother, his brothers, and everyone else around him.
Expectations could shape, but they could also destroy. It was a weight that could crush, and while Calvin managed to hold on beneath the utter mountainous onslaught of the world’s assumptions about what he’d become, I saw the cracks that threatened to topple everything. Still he held on, and I grudgingly admired him for it.
“I just want what’s best for you.” Jarrod stared at me with those hard eyes.
Cora patted his chest. “That’s enough, okay?”
His jaw flexed, and he looked like he wanted to argue, but he backed down. That was rare from a man like Jarrod. I’d have to ask Cora how she did it, but I probably wouldn’t like the answer.
“I’m safe, okay? I’m taken care of. Don’t worry about me.”
Jarrod grunted. “We should get to class. Come on, Cor.”
She gave me a smile. “See you later?”
I nodded and waved, and they walked off. I watched them go, a strange, longing pit in my stomach.
I wanted the laughter and teasing back. I wanted the simple joy of walking with a group of friends. Ample time, nothing to do, and miles and miles of potential stretching out into the day. But that short argument with Jarrod made everything else feel forced.
Nobody thought my relationship with Calvin was a good idea.
Not even me.
So why throw myself into hell for this man?
All for revenge? All to kill to father and to see Noah and Raymond punished?
I could get that from his mother.
Something else held me in his spell. I touched my lips, thinking of his kiss, his hands on my hips, his cock buried between my legs. A shiver ran down my spine.
He had his barbs in deep and I didn’t think I’d ever pull them out.
The day slipped past. I went to class. Des and Addler found me and made more jokes. Cora was quiet on the ride home.
“I’m sorry about Jarrod earlier,” she said before getting out. “You really are okay, right?”
“I’m dealing. I promise.”
“Yeah, all right.” She frowned at me, then looked down at her hands. “You know about what happened with me and Jarrod, right? The deal we made?”
I knew. They’d told me. We never spoke of it, but it was always there.
